Depressed Christians?

Can a mature believer experience depression?

When you recognize that depression is basically due to self-loathing and guilt over an increasingly acute sense of our extreme failure to trust God, yes depression can be and often is a part of the maturing Christians experience, possibly even in greater degrees as we mature because we become increasingly aware of how weak and untrusting of God we can be.

And that is because we are all extreme failures (Rom 3:23. For a fuller discussion click here and here) in trusting God totally.  This is in the godly sense not necessarily in the worldly sense i.e. not necessarily in the eyes of others (by world standards, we may be a great "success") but compared to God's original intended design, we are far from it. 

When we recognize we were in fact created to know God, enjoy him, and show forth his glory, reflecting his love back to him, spreading his love and greatness to other fellow image-bearers as well as all creation (i.e. stewarding the planet) and the scope and significance of this - when none of us even come close to meeting the mark - we began to see the extent of our failure. Who among the most mature of us can say we love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength and our neighbor as ourselves 24/7? Certainly not me. This awareness increases the more we know God and see our true condition more clearly.

Without the love of God moving us to show forth his glory we are all about ourselves; about self-promotion; being our own god. The very same disposition that Adam and Eve bought into and adopted. In short, we are totally incapable of fulfilling our design unaided... and were never intended to do so. Only by the life and love of God infused in us by His Spirit can we bring forth true, lasting life again (though we can bring temporary life to others and do daily).  

And what was God's warning? The day you seek to operate independently of me - to be your own god - you will die. Die? In what sense did we die? We rejected God, the source of life itself. We "unplugged" from the life source if you will. Our connection with the life and Spirit of God was immediately severed, eventually leading to our physical death. And from that day until now we have not sought to return to the source of life but have been desperately seeking to replace what we lost (God) by being our own god i.e. through self-effort...using creation - internally and externally - as a means. 

However, as God is diffusive (overflowing and out-flowing), we were designed to be diffusive, with one key difference. God is the source of life (Jn 17:3), we are the conduits through which his life flows. First from Him, reflected back to him from the Son, in, by, and through the Spirit, then out to others. If we cut ourselves off from the "life source" we can not and will not spread his love and glory as we were created to. We are empty of the love and life of God. It's simply no longer there to be diffused. We are takers without His love, not the givers we were originally designed to be.

So what then happens to us, as we become more and more *aware of our total spiritual bankruptcy? We feel guilty. And not just because it's some vague sense of self-imposed punishment, but because we are in fact guilty. We do not do what we were designed to do i.e. love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength and our neighbors as ourselves. This indeed is to greatest and most challenging order (greatest commandment) God gives us. 

 

So as maturing believers, we now battle. We battle with an increasing awareness of the depth of our brokenness hopefully, along with an increasing and matching awareness of the love of God for us as his broken but redeemed, adopted, and perfectly cherished children.  

The irony is our increasing awareness of being perfectly loved because of Christ, allows us to be increasingly honest with how unlovely we truly are. We know God does not and will not reject us due to our brokenness because Christ took our deserved rejection/ banishment and condemnation for us. And this work by him on our behalf is infinitely greater in depth and width than our brokenness (Rom 5:20). Thanks to Christ and his willingly giving himself up to restore us back to our original design.

So we struggle between growing awareness of God's perfect and infinite love and our total and complete desire to operate outside of this love i.e. our rejection of it and embracing self-love in various forms.

I propose that the awareness of our true guilt and any subsequent depression is an opportunity and possibly even a call by God to dig deeper into who Christ is, what he did, and why he did it. It is an opportunity to look hard at the extent of his work on our behalf and come to rejoice in it more and more. Our depression forces us to go back time and again and drink from an infinite, never-ending fountain of God's love and forgiveness. And thanks be to God, his is the final word; our brokenness is not.  

Who are some believers who have admitted to struggles with depression? King David, ("why are you cast down oh my soul..."),  Job, Moses, Elijah, Jeremiah, Jonah, Paul the apostle, Martin Luther. Charles Spurgeon, Henri Nouwen, John Piper to name some better-known believers. All of these great men of faith spoke of struggling with depression.

"For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him, we have set our hope that he will deliver us again." 2Co 1:8-10

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested click here in our bodies. 

For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh...

...So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light, momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal."  2Co 4:8-11, 16-18  

For a discussion on healing trauma click here. 

For a discussion on whether pain is normal or just common click here. 

For a discussion on the greater our sin the greater God's grace click here. 

For a discussion on how we have God fully but not all of Him yet click here. 

For a discussion on the difference between good and bad guilt click here. 

For a discussion on how we can experience more of God's love through our suffering click here. 
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*An increasing and deeper awareness of our rebellious independence from God is actually a sign of increasing maturity. 

Eager anticipation (hope) is good

There is nothing wrong with eagerly anticipating and hoping for a successful outcome on the ¹good (Godly) things we seek and desire. 

Hope is actually a significant element of the gospel and a key part of what moves us to pray.

But we must also remember that God knows what is best. He alone sees the end from the beginning.  Whenever we pray we must always remember it is "...not my will but yours be done" that we should be seeking. We must recognize His will ultimately is always best no matter how it may appear the opposite. We may never see what that best is until we are in eternity with Christ. But we can know that conforming us to the image of Christ is always God's ultimate goal. Why? So we might experience - both now but especially in eternity - the Father's infinite love for us in the same way Christ experiences it.

He also knows how our hearts are inclined towards obtaining the blessings of life and not the Blesser. He knows whether giving us the desires of our heart will draw us away from Him or closer to Him... we don't, we only think we know. 

He knows our heart far better than we do. We must trust He is always working for both our greatest good and His highest glory in light of His infinite wisdom and a full understanding of our heart. We must always remember He is our greatest good and greatest joy, not a particular outcome of our chosing.

We get off the path when our hopes deteriorate into ²demands. God owes us nothing - though He loves to give us all things - and we can demand nothing from Him. Who has ever given to God, that God must repay them? Everything we are and have is a gift - i.e. by grace alone.

When we desire God above everything else, our desires align with His and his desires become ours. When they do, he gives us what we desire. But He alone knows when our hearts are truly and fully submitted to him. 

The bottom line? God desires we trust him even as Christ trusted Him regardless of what He does or does not give.

For a further discussion on hope click here.

For a further discussion on prayer click here.

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¹Such as a good and godly marriage or godly children; our business to be productive; to have a significant impact for God through our work, in our Christian community or other social interactions. These are all good and godly hopes but even these can get out of balance and "go south" i.e.  They can shift from being a secondary desire to our primary one.

Such as when Elijah challenged the prophets of Baal and won. God moved in a powerful way through Elijah and "showed up" the prophets of Baal. No doubt Elijah hoped this would result in Israel and it's King and Queen turning back to God (a very good hope). But they did not turn back. Because things did not go as Elijah hoped he went into hiding and a deep depression. The queen (Jezebel) had not only refused to turn to God but swore to take his life for defeating Baal her god.

²This is also where Job went off the rails. Overtime his desire for something good and valid (an explanation from God for his suffering) deteriorated into a demand. He eventually repented and recognized all he had was from God to begin with and that God owed him nothing, not even an explanation.

Unbelief diminishs us

Because of our rebellious distrust of God and our subtle but passionate desire to make life work without him, we are no longer in a relationship with Him (as we were meant to be) and experiencing His infinite love (the necessary spiritual nourishment we were created and designed to have) with all the delight, bliss, and strength that comes from being connected to Him. As a result, we are stunted in our abilities and ¹never develop to our full God given potential. We are ¹far less than we were created to be. 

This is true not only spiritually and emotionally, but physically. As our health declines with age, we experience disease and eventually die. None of this was part of our original design. 

As well, our senses and abilities are only a fraction of what they were meant to be and we have the potential for (and will one day be if we are in Christ. In Christ, all of this will one day ultimately be reversed and eliminated).

If we are not restored to God, our diminishing abilities and the negative results will continue beyond our present existence and only increase. We will become even more fragmented, diminished and entrenched in the negative dispositions we now have and display, e.g. frustration, anger, fear, anxiety, depression, indifference to or even hatred of God, etc. 

Without connection and union with the Source of love and life we are like spiritual and emotional black holes collapsing in on ourselves from the void left by God's absence. We will only increase in our sense of emptiness. This will become even more acute over time with no chance of relief.

In our current existence we at least experience occasional temporary relief through the use of the various gifts that God gives us - both internal and external - but always with a constant search and hope for more (this drives all our actions when we are not connected and in union with God). 

In our next existence, without our Creator or access to His creation, we will be fully given over to our own devices and have no such experience or hope of love. We will have no access to the external gifts or the ability to exercise the internal ones, but only an perpetual longing and thirst for love - now masked by the use of God's gifts. This will be our hell.

So what is our problem? 

In this life, we try to build our sense of identity, meaning, purpose, and value trhrough ²everything but God. He is not our focus, His creation is - with access to and use of all the gifts this life brings us. 

However, created things are finite. We were created for the infinite.

If we refuse God's offer (again our choice) to restore us back to Him and our ³true identity, we will go into eternity continuing on this current trajectory. The difference is we won't have all the resources, blessings, and gifts we now enjoy and use to maintain our independence from God. 

Absent God, we attempt to use all things to maintain our sense of identity, meaning, value, and purpose. We are like rebellious children using all the good things our parents give us to avoid the very ones who gave them to us i.e. our parents.

If we return to God and abandon our rebellious attempts to make life work without Him, we will be restored to the true purpose of our existence, and experience our greatest potential, fulfillment, and the delight He longs to give us (you) in Him. Will you return?

"The Spirit and the Bride say, 'Come.' And let the one who hears say, 'Come.' And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price." - Rev 22:17

Are we truly rebels against God? For more click here.

Does God love rebels? Click here and find out. 

For a further discussion on why hell is our choice click here.
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¹Not unlike a malnourished child genetically encoded to be a genius or an exceptional athlete who never developed to their full potential. As a result, they developed with less than average intelligence or become wheelchair-bound because they never received the proper nourishment they needed and were designed to have.

²We use all the good gifts of God - meant to show us his love - to maintain our independence from God. Not unlike a rebellious child using the good things his parent provides to betray his parents.

³His beloved image bearers who are designed to partake in the community of love between the Father, Son, and Spirit - and all the delight that comes with and in it - in the same way they do (because we are like Him).

Driven by shame

Those who try to shame others into behaving the way they desire (i.e. to control them with shame) are themselves usually influenced or driven by shame (i.e. guilt feelings). We do who we are.

Why do most of us operate out of shame? 

The further away from God's ¹design we operate, the greater our guilt (real guilt vs guilt feelings). The greater our guilt feelings - i.e. sense of shame - the more it drives us and becomes our modus operandi -- the way we operate i.e. our actions are driven by guilt and shame instead of love as we were designed to operate.

Instead of seeking God to help us change the behavior that results in our shame, we often seek to get others to approve our behavior to find relief. We may not like the consequences of conduct that violates our design, but we like having no restrictions on our choices even less.

Because we are designed to ²give and receive love but cannot do so -- unless "plugged in" to the Source of love -- we never operate as we were designed, but are always operating with guilt and shame -- though we typically are not fully conscious of it unless some event triggers and surfaces it.

The more we operate out of shame the lower our sense of value/worth i.e. The more worthless we feel. This process often leads to depression and can ultimately lead to suicide if not addressed.

This is why we are constantly trying to do things to make us feel better about ourselves; to feel more important/ significant. We are in a constant state of pain and shame and always looking to relieve it.

As a result, we try to avoid things that make us feel worthless and cause shame -- like admitting we failed to accomplish a desired goal or are wrong when we mistreat others.

The only way to break free from this cycle of bondage, guilt, and shame is the grace of God -- the good news/gospel -- found in Jesus Christ alone.

For a further discussion of why we avoid the cause of guilt and shame click here.

For a further discussion of the cause and removal of guilt and shame click here.

For a discussion on the futility of engaging in guilt and shame click here and here.

For a discussion on our being designed for greatness/glory click here and here. 

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¹we are like God, designed for love. God is love, giving and receiving it back again. We need love (God); to receive it (Him) and reflect it to others and back to Him. We are most complete when we operate in this way - as we are designed to.

² "Positively" by outdoing/outperforming others. 

Negatively, by criticizing others to feel better about ourselves.

As God's rebellious image bearers, we run on empty (due to our rebellion) because we are disconnected from the Source of love. As a result, we attempt to get and take love instead of give and receive it as we were designed. At some level, we know this. For a further discussion on this point click here. 

I am putting "positively" in quotes because even though outdoing/outperforming others is considered constructive behavior, it is still behavior in an attempt to bolster our own sense of worth outside of God. This kind of behavior may be positive in the eyes of others but is contrary to who God designed us to be.

Self absorbed or God absorbed

Being self-absorbed is empty and void of true life -- it is temporary, erratic, and insufficient.

Being God ¹absorbed is life -- He is the all-sufficient, permanent, and never-failing source of love, life, and all things.

Since God is life, is it any wonder He is constantly calling us to be obsessed with Him; to love Him with all that we have and are and to always bring Him glory? He's calling us to nothing less than being obsessed with life itself because He is life and fullness of life is in Him alone and nothing else. He calls us to Himself because he loves us that much.  

"And this is eternal life (i.e. permanent life. Life without interruption), that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent." - Jesus  Joh 17:3

"Jesus said to him, 'I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.' " - Jesus' response to Phillip. John 14:6

"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." - Jesus speaking to the 12 disciples.  Mat 10:39
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¹If this grates on us, it only indicates how bent we are towards being our own god. Who hasn't heard or even made the comment, "a little bit of God is OK but let's not go overboard!" 

However, when you see those fortunate enough to have great success in this life, still have prolonged periods of loneliness and depression; even ending their lives in the midst of such great "success," this should be a clue we were made for more, far more. We were made for infinite love. 

Some have argued we can be so heavenly minded we are no earthly good when it is the other way around. We can not be of any true earthy value until we are totally plugged into the heavenly bliss and glory shared between the Father, Son, and Spirit. Or as Jesus says, "And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these." - Mar 12:30-31. We can only carry out the latter part of this commandment as we plug into the former.

condemnation removed - righteousness assigned

We have two subtle and deeply embedded needs. We need relief from guilt, shame, and a sense of failure. We also need to know we are valuable, significant, worthwhile. The former removes something bad from us, and the latter asserts or gains something good for us. 

Though these are separate needs, they are connected. The former (guilt/shame/failure) eats away and diminishes our sense of the latter (value/significant/worth). To fail at a task is to feel worthless; a loser as they say. *Guilt and a sense of worthlessness are directly tied together. 

When we speak of Christ's work for us, we usually focus on the former - God's removal of the just condemnation for our **rebellion. Our greater awareness of this need, more than the need for a sense of value, maybe due to our constant and deeply embedded feelings of guilt and shame. Being ***relieved of pain (shame) can feel more urgent than gaining something we strongly desire (importance) e.g. We are not going to be concerned about our appearance or achievements right after dropping a large rock on our toe. 

For this reason, the need for being valued and significant is not often thought about when we consider all that Christ offers us but is at least equal to, if not more important when it comes to our long-term faithfulness to God. 

Christ lived a life of perfect faithfulness (obedience) to His Father - never-failing and always succeeding - to the point of feeling abandoned by His Father and enduring the most shameful death. This perfect life of faithful obedience is now fully assigned-credited to us as if we lived His life of perfect faithfulness if we accept his offer. When we do we are viewed by God as perfect in our faithfulness - even though we are far from it. 

We are now equally admirable and loved by the Father as Jesus is. This isn't a feeling, it's an objective reality. It is how God sees us if we are in Christ. 

John 15:9 as the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.

How would we describe the Father's love for His Son? Whatever way we describe it, it is the same love the Son has for us. This kind of love is not possible unless we are perfect in God's eyes. A perfection lived out by Christ and fully assigned-credited to us. Just as Christ was treated as the rebels we are - wholly condemned - we are now seen as a perfect and complete success the same way Christ is - wholly accepted and approved of. 

For an extended discussion of our guilt and shame, click here and here.

For a further discussion on being hard-wired for greatness, click here. 

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*Depression is the result of a deep sense of failure and guilt, leading to a feeling of worthlessness. If this is left unaddressed, it can lead to suicide.

**i.e. Our rebellious distrust of God. Distrust leads to unfaithfulness in giving God his rightful and due recognition as the one and only all-glorious God worthy of all thanks.

***The most successful people in business I have known over the years said they were driven far more by fear of loss than a desire for gain. 

Competition… Good or bad?

Is competition helpful or unhelpful? It can be either or both.

Unhelpful competition is rooted completely in performance for the sake of praise and approval of others. In this scenario, my sense of value is tied directly to doing better than the next person. If I do, I feel worth something and if not; I don't. In a word, if I don't win/produce/perform, I am a "loser." I am useless and worthless. My sense of value rises and falls on others' opinions about my performance.

Competition is so much a part of America's psyche and value system (even more so with older generations who didn't get "participation" trophies) that we often are not even aware of it. Just think of how ¹many folks are glued to their TV on the weekends watching a sports event or game of one kind or another. Maybe more than most, Americans love to win and we love a "winner."

Yet, basing our value on beating the competition is the exact opposite of the Gospel. Our true significance or value is based 1st on who we are as image bearers of God and not what we do. Our good standing and approval by God are based on Christ's efforts and performance, not ours. God's acceptance of us has nothing to do with our performance. In fact, our performance, in this instance, is an affront to the work of Christ. It says His efforts were insufficient for God to receive us, so we must "help him out."

And who are we? We are in God's image and if we are in Christ; we are the beloved children of the all-loving, all-powerful, always present, all-wise, and all-glorious Creator, the most valuable person in the universe.

If we are infinitely valued by the infinitely valuable, what does that say about our value? And if God, the infinitely valuable, cherishes us, how much does it matter what others say or think? That would be putting more weight on the opinion of someone who knows and cares nothing about you vs someone who has perfect knowledge about you and knows and cares about you perfectly. If our happiness rises and falls on the approval and praise of others, we should reassess our understanding of God's infinite love for us, i.e. we may not fully "get it" yet.

When is competition helpful?

Should we live productively with excellence? Yes, because God is most valuable -- most high/excellent and most deserving of our best e.g. all heart, soul, mind, and strength. How we conduct ourselves either honors or dishonors God. By living excellently out of a desire to honor him -- because he first honored/loved us -- we put on display God's great worth/honor. We do not compete to gain the praise, love, and approval of others by being "better" than someone else, but because we already are important, valued, loved, and approved by God, stirring in us the desire to honor him in all we say and do.

Competition can be helpful by bringing the best out of us. It pushes us to be the best we can be. It can raise our level of belief/confidence in what image-bearers are capable of. How much more so, those who are driven by the love and praise of God vs the love and praise of men.

We should welcome competition with others who are better than us. If we are secure in the love of Christ, we will.

When someone excels, it demonstrates a higher level of excellence that ²can be achieved in a given activity.  It raises the bar and sets a higher standard, inspiring others and us to do better. It brings the best out of us and gives us an **example and a higher target to aim for.

When we approach competition in this way, it isn't devastating when we lose. -- If it is, this is a clue that our identity and sense of value are too tied to our beating the other person. We may be disappointed we didn't do better, but only because we know we can and didn't. 

How is this different from typical competition? It is not a matter of being better than someone else but of being inspired to be the best "me" we can be.

When competition challenges us to become better, this is good and helpful. We should welcome and even seek this. Seeking to be the best we can be stretches us to use our gifts/skills to their greatest capacity, i.e. becoming the best stewards of what we are entrusted with -- honoring the giver of those skills.

In Chariots of Fire, Eric Liddell had it right when he said: "...to win is to honor Him..."

For more on living with excellence, click here. 

For more on the necessity of great effort, click here. 
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¹Why is watching sports so popular? Not only because we like proving our value by beating the other guy or gal, but we draw our sense of identity from our team being better than the other team. If we don't have the time or are not good enough to play ourselves, we do the next best thing, we cheer for "our team" and feel important when our team wins and feel like a "loser" when they don't. Some folk's identity is so tied up in a sports team that they even get depressed or angry when their team doesn't win. Someone I knew well would go into a deep depression every time their team lost.

²You may have read or recall for years, several attempted to break a sub-4-minute mile. Eventually, Roger Bannister did it. Within weeks, many followed suit, even though attempts to break it before that had been a goal for years. Why? He raised the bar and showed it could be done, helping others to believe they might be able to do it also, inspiring all runners to achieve greater speeds. 

The internal dynamics of our dilemma and God's amazing solution/offer!

Our problem isn't knowing what we should do, it's doing what we know we should. 

As a result, we have two opposing dynamics going on inside each of us which creates deep-seated conflict with subtle but far-reaching implications and impact. 

Those dynamics are:

1. We have an intuitive understanding and awareness of what is right. The old saying and golden rule "do to others as you would have them do to you" or "love others as you want them to love you," comes to mind. Who doesn't agree with this? Virtually every religion and ethical system recognizes this as a important universal principle in one form or another. 

We also know intuitively this is right and true. It becomes most apparent when we are on the ¹receiving end of not being treated this way -- when we are not treated with dignity, value, respect...in a word, love -- we feel wronged/offended. 

YET

2. None of us has the internal strength (spiritually,  emotionally) to actually ²live this way -- to treat others as we wish to be treated. Sure, on occasion we might, but consistently and perfectly... no way. When it comes to taking care of ourselves or another we naturally (vs supernaturally) take care of ourselves 1st. Why? Because we must have love by design. Without love we are "takers" instead of "givers."

As a result of these two opposing dynamics within us all, and our failure to love others as we wish to be loved, we constantly go about things with this deep-seated, nagging sense of failure, guilt and shame (no matter how unconscious and deeply buried this may be). We constantly fail to live up to what we intuitively know is right and how we were designed, yet never carry out. 

We aren't living up to our own ¹internally embedded standard much less the ones others try to impose on us. 

As a result, we are always going about life with this internal conflict and tension of knowing who we should be and what we should do, yet never doing it consistently (though we mask our shame well and are rarely fully conscious of it). 

At a result of this conflict, deep down inside all of us is a nagging sense of worthlessness (though we are far from being worthless. For more on this click here). 

This often manifests itself in depression. We can never consistently feel good about ourselves - if we base our worth solely on our efforts - because we fail to ³be what we know, at a deep unconscious - or conscious - level, we should be. 

A sense of worthlessness is at the heart of all emotional pain. It is why we are in a perpetual state of pain. We were designed for glory, the opposite of worthlessness.

Seeking relief. 

No wonder we are always trying to do things to prove we aren't so bad (i.e. so self-centered) and seek to obtain anything that makes us feel better about ourselves, if only for a moment i.e. temporarily.

No wonder we are always seeking to be affirmed and recognized by others as important, special, worthwhile, etc. 

No wonder we are offended when people treat us as unimportant/ worthless and don't give us the affirmation we want and feel we deserve. 

We may not be fully aware of the conflict, but we are very aware of our constant need to feel better about ourselves. At a minimum, this is the conscious or "external" evidence of this deeply buried conflict.  

This conflict/tension is a constant part of our lives. We are always seeking affirmation in one form or another. We are always seeking to feel better about ourselves. We are always seeking peace, contentment, joy in one form, or another. Every sales offer assumes and appeals to this at some level. 

We are always seeking internal calm by trying to order our external world (circumstances) in such a way that we can experience this elusive sense of internal peace. Always!!!

What do we do? What can we do?! 

Well, we can distract ourselves (seek to control our environment), through a variety of means. Recreation, drugs, sex, meditation, entertainment, achievement, "beating the next guy," power, fame, money (which affords us many of the other things on the list) etc.

OR

We can try to psyche ourselves into thinking this sense of failure doesn't really exist but is due only to an overly active imagination/ conscience or is part of "cultural programming"; that morality is just a myth, and these feelings of guilt and shame are only in our heads. It's all subjective and not real i.e. right and wrong is not an objective reality.

So how's that working for us (you) so far? Have you found anything that gives this perfect (complete and constant) sense of total wholeness, peace, happiness, without having to constantly jump through hoops of one kind or another? Do you live consistently in a constant, ongoing state of peace and happiness etc. (Yet isn't this what we all want and seek?)

If not, why not? Is this even possible?! Yes, it is. There is an answer. And in truth, it's ultimately the only answer that works. 

And what is that? Glad you asked! 

We can accept God's solution.

First, we need to understand why this tension exists to begin with. We  are made to be loved and to love others. It's part of being like God...in his image. He gives and receives love between the Father, Son, and Spirit. A relationship of love is the core of God's very being. God IS love i.e. He is relationship. It's not just what he does, it is who he is.

We are like him and made for a relationship of love in order to partake of and experience God, who is the source of love, because he is a being of constant, never-ending, overflowing, bottomless love. 

Because of this, we will never feel truly whole unless and until we live in this love. It is who we are, how we are designed and why we exist. Knowing God and experiencing all that he is, is why we were created. The bible states this explicitly and if we stop to really consider this, on a deep level we know intuitively this matches our experience.

  

But this is not all there is to us. We have rejected (and still do) this true source of love. God himself. We choose to operate on our own, with little to no acknowledgment of our need for God (who is infinite, nonstop love) and now try to fill ourselves with substitutes... and think we can.  

But we can't! We are like a fish out of water flopping about, experiencing enough rainfall to keep us from drying up and dying, but nothing like we need to function at the level we were designed to operate.  We are designed to live and swim about in an endless sea of love i.e. with God. Not constantly gasping for breath.

How can a finite being (us) use finite created things to ever fill a need for something Infinite i.e. God himself? That's like putting a pint of fuel in a jet and expecting it to fly (we may be able to briefly fire up the engines at best).

But there is good news! 

God did this for us! Did what?! What does that mean? Christ, while on earth, loved perfectly and completely (because this is who he is and how he has always been throughout eternity past) to the point of dying. He actually gave himself up to be sacrificed.

He first loved His Father. And because he loved his Father he loved us. 

Why would he do that, and how did he? 

Two ways/reasons he showed his love for us. 

1. So that we, who can't live as we were created to, don't have to in order to have God's love. Now God offers us Christ's faithful life of love in exchange for our not living the life of love that we are created for. He did this as proof of his love for us. If we accept this, the Father credits Christ's life of love to us as if we lived this kind of life. (good bye guilt and shame over our failures to love as God deserves and others as we are designed to)

2. And not only does God offer to credit us with this perfect life but God put the consequences of our not living this kind of life; the life we were designed to live, onto Christ. (good bye judgment, condemnation and rejection)

For a further discussion of God's solution and its necessity click here.

Now, guess what? When we recognize we can never resolve the deep-seated conflict within or ever satisfy our deepest longing and then believe and accept his offer, it's done! There is no more guilt, no more shame, no more condemnation or rejection by God! It's gone!!! Hard to believe, but it's true. And that is now our only issue; do we believe this? The more we do, the freer we are. This is God's free offer to us if we accept it. Do you accept it?

We still blow it!

But don't we still blow it? Yes, we still do. We still don't love as we are designed to but God no longer looks at this as necessary for extending his complete, uninterrupted love to us. If we accept his offer He now sees and accepts Christ's perfect record as ours, credited to our "account" if you will.  

This would be like us having a seriously overdrawn bank account and then someone else with an account that has an unlimited balance assigns their account over to us.  It was earned by them, but out of their love for us and desire that we experience their wealth, they assigned it over and put our name on the account. Not only is everything in this other account now ours, but the funds from this new account were used to zero out our overdraw account and close it.  That old account is now gone along with all its debt. Everything in the assigned account is now ours. 

And not only so, but before God made this offer, we were still his enemies. How? We opposed God by trying to be our own god and fill our need for love with things other than God (and still do) which doesn't work i.e. it is not possible because it violates our design. We are designed for the infinite, not the finite-limited creation.  

It is also a lie because it says we can be who God designed us to be without Him. If we are designed for infinite love and God is that infinite love, this is not only impossible but it dishonors him for who he truly is... the only Source of true and infinite love and life.

Seeking to be for ourselves what only God can be for us caused a rift in our relationship with God. This blocked our experience of his love for us (not his actual love) so we no longer felt or experienced it. (If however, we receive his offer in Christ that barrier is removed and God's love is now freely available to us. To accept His offer is saying we can't be all we are designed to be apart from our Creator). 

Once we began to see this; once this really seeps into the core of our being, we fall in love with Him and Christ for doing this for us. The more we see how antagonistic we have been and are to God and all He has done to completely remedy this, the more we fall in love with Him. What an incredible gift this is! How can we ever thank God enough? 

Glad you asked. 

Now that we have been freed of the obligation to give God his due honor (since Christ satisfied this for us), we are free to live this life of love he's designed us for (which also "just happens" to bring us the greatest sense of meaning and purpose since this is why we were made to begin with). 

We now are loved in such a way that when we "get it" it draws out of us a desire to love back and a trust in following His direction (how can we not trust someone who would do all this for us). Now we have a reason to love as we were originally designed to. The love from someone else (i.e. God) we were designed to experience from the beginning has been restored back to us and is now fully ours, never to be taken away. We no longer live the life of love we were designed to live because we have to in order to be loved again. We now have that love we were originally designed to experience. It was secured by someone else's efforts, not ours. Therefore, it is completely ours and can never be cut off or blocked again. Now we love others out of love and gratitude for what God and Christ did for us and desire to share this with others. 

We also now want to show Him off (honor/glorify Him) to others because, for the first time, we now understand how amazing He is and now see He deserves our love and honor and that others also need this love/Him. We want to live for his honor and their good. And the way we do is to love him and others in the same way he loved us.

BUT, I can't relate to what you describe above. I am just not feeling it.

Now the truth is most don't experience this inner conflict I described in the beginning, on a conscious level and to the extent I have described it. However, what we all experience is a longing for love. This we are, more or less, far more conscious of then the inner conflict mentioned above. (In fact, most of us don't even experience how great this desire for love is until we "fall in love" for the first time and experience a longing we didn't know existed before then).

And if we have some success in finding love or if we have grown up in a nurturing environment due to stable and loving parents, we won't know much (or at least be aware of the depth) of this conflict. 

But we all know what it's like to lose love in some form or another. Separation from a dear friend, spouse, loving parent, or sibling due to a variety of reasons, such as relocation, death, estrangement, etc should hit home for most of us. And when we lose it, then we become aware of a longing for what was lost. The simple reality is none of us can live without love and a sense of value very long. 

All of this points to the nature of our make up and raises the question, where does this come from? How can we express a personal need for a loving relationship if we came about by accident from an impersonal universe? No matter how much we try to reason away this central part of our make up, there it is, staring us in the face when we least expect it. 

Do you wish to continue on this path of longing or do you wish to turn to the path you were created for? He extends the offer I have mentioned. Will you accept and receive it?

Further discussion on depression click here

Further discussion on our being finite click here

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Footnotes:

¹We cannot get away from this or set it aside. We bump up against this everyday in everything we do. We all intrinsically seek to be valued. In a word we are hard wired for love.

²We can't because we are "running on empty." We are void of the love we were designed to receive/experience/participate in and must have in order to love others sacrificially. It's just not in us to do so on our own. It has to come from somewhere outside of us; from another source; a Source we cut ourselves off from.

³doing as we are designed to do only comes out of being who we were designed to be...fully connected to the source of life and love, God himself.