Most of us experience guilt feelings whenever we hurt or damage someone (intentionally or not) in some way and even more so if we are called out on it by others or even ourselves.
I would suggest guilt is guilt - i.e. guilt is real, not simply a feeling and we are either guilty (objectively) or we are ¹not. The real question is how do we process and respond to guilt feelings?
It's not that there is good or bad guilt per se but rather a constructive (good) or a destructive (bad) response to it.
Destructive response
We beat ourselves up (shame ourselves) over it, which ironically is an attempt to minimize (downplay) the hurt we caused someone else in order to relieve our shame (our hurt) - i.e. this is a focus on us and not the injured party, where it should be. It is self-centered not other-focused. As a result, we attempt to defend our actions.
Constructive response
When we immediately recognize and acknowledge the hurt we caused, ask forgiveness, and seek to restore the injured party whenever and wherever possible, as quickly as possible. This is the healthy and appropriate response.
"Now I am happy, not because you were made sad, but because your sorrow made you decide to change (constructive). That is what God wanted, so you were not hurt by us in any way.
The kind of sorrow God wants makes people decide to change their lives. This leads them to ²salvation (constructive), and we cannot be sorry for that. But the kind of sorrow the world has will bring death (destructive)." 2Co 7:9-10
The kind of sorrow God wants makes people decide to change their lives. This leads them to ²salvation (constructive), and we cannot be sorry for that. But the kind of sorrow the world has will bring death (destructive)." 2Co 7:9-10
How do we "do" good guilt and not bad?
It's a matter of the heart. When we are secure in God's love and know all our guilt before God -- and the ultimate legal consequences of our hurtful behavior from God -- is already fully taken care of (satisfied, removed) we are free to more clearly see and admit the hurt we cause others and no longer seek or attempt to ease our sense of failure.
It's a matter of the heart. When we are secure in God's love and know all our guilt before God -- and the ultimate legal consequences of our hurtful behavior from God -- is already fully taken care of (satisfied, removed) we are free to more clearly see and admit the hurt we cause others and no longer seek or attempt to ease our sense of failure.
This is not something we try to do it is something that simply happens when we fully recognize and know who we are in Christ i.e. fully loved, forgiven, and accepted vs shamed.
For a child of God, the question isn't if we are ever guilty of hurting others. We are all guilty of offenses and all of us are also offended. The only question is how we address that guilt; in a constructive or destructive way. Because of Christ, it can always be constructive if we receive and believe his offer. The more we do the more we are able to.
For more on God's remedy for offenses click here.
_____________________________
¹some are surprised to know that guilt feelings do not necessarily involve actual guilt.
For more discussion on guilt, the following may be of interest...
Driven by guilt and shame
Feeling shame versus true guilt
²Paul is talking of salvation in the sense that good guilt leads to our turning away -- it delivers (saves) us -- from destructive behavior. It is constructive, practical deliverance from destructive behavior, not legal justification. This is not about being saved by works, it is about works that come forth because we are already freed of the just condemnation for harmful behavior.
For a child of God, the question isn't if we are ever guilty of hurting others. We are all guilty of offenses and all of us are also offended. The only question is how we address that guilt; in a constructive or destructive way. Because of Christ, it can always be constructive if we receive and believe his offer. The more we do the more we are able to.
For more on God's remedy for offenses click here.
_____________________________
¹some are surprised to know that guilt feelings do not necessarily involve actual guilt.
For more discussion on guilt, the following may be of interest...
Driven by guilt and shame
Feeling shame versus true guilt
²Paul is talking of salvation in the sense that good guilt leads to our turning away -- it delivers (saves) us -- from destructive behavior. It is constructive, practical deliverance from destructive behavior, not legal justification. This is not about being saved by works, it is about works that come forth because we are already freed of the just condemnation for harmful behavior.
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Grace to you
Jim Deal