loving and valuing...the same?

In considering the definition of love, I found the word value helpful. But I have also found myself wondering how ¹value is similar to love and how it's different. 

Is there a difference between loving and ¹valuing someone or something? If so, what is it? 

Something can be objectively valuable without us personally valuing it or even being aware of its value.

To say it another way, something can be infinitely valuable (objectively) without being personally (subjectively) valuable to us.

God would be a classic example of someone (or thing) infinitely valuable who is often ²not personally valuable - at least not to the extent of His true value. 

For something to have actual value means there is something objectively and innately valuable - important or significant - about a person or thing first regardless of whether we personally value them (it) or not. 

How is subjective value, and love connected?

To personally value something is to also have affection for it i.e. to love it. Loving affection involves emotional delight in that thing or person we value. Loving affection is an indication we have personal regard ³for the value of someone or something. It is subjective, as well as objective. 

On the other hand, to value someone or thing does not necessarily make them or it valuable objectively, only subjectively. This involves personal affection toward what is considered valuable when it may not be as valuable objectively as we feel, i.e. it is not actually or objectively valuable. 

For example, we can meet someone charming that we feel could be important to us, that turns out to be nothing like they presented themselves to be. The reality of who they are doesn't match the appeal of who we thought they were or presented themselves (itself) to be.  

A classic example of a thing (vs a person) not being as valuable as we thought would be a product that doesn't equal or live up to the "sales pitch" e.g. a job, a certain level of wealth, a particular car, a bigger house, even something simple like a purse or a pair of shoes etc. As we learn more about these things, the reality doesn't match the hope - or hype if you prefer.

This is actually common for all of us i.e. to place a higher value on someone or something than it's actually worth. This doesn't mean there is no value. They may give you some happiness initially, but not to the extent you thought or were told. They may be good things, but not the best thing and not to the extent we thought or hoped for.

One reason this difference is significant is we may have a greater affection or love for something beyond what it deserves. We can love something to the point of worshiping it (and often do) when in reality it will never deliver long-term what we want, need, or believe it will. 

We can also appreciate the beauty and value of something objectively without ever personally participating in its full value e.g. we can see and smell an exquisite meal -- which is participation on a limited level.  And observe others eating and enjoying it, but we will not fully experience or benefit from it until we eat it ourselves. It is no less valuable because we don't eat it, it is just not that valuable to us personally. 

We can observe the beauty or strength of another, yet never personally experience these qualities through direct interaction. A fiancé can admire the physical beauty of his soon-to-be bride but not fully participate in and experience that beauty until they are married.

Value is ⁴foundational and a fundamental part of loving. It must exist first. But having loving affection for someone is personal in nature, whereas someone or thing having value is an objective fact. 

Valuing has more to do with our recognition of something's value from afar. Love/affection has more to do with intimacy (closeness) and personal enjoyment of that which is valuable.

Also, when we value something, it is usually more utilitarian or functional than affectionate.  

The most valuable

God is the Creator and Sustainer of all things thereby making Him the most significant and valuable being in the universe. Yet many do not recognize Him as such or have any affections toward Him i.e. God is valuable (objectively) even when He is not personally (subjectively) valued.  

Some even despise God for various reasons despite His infinite worth - usually because He didn't come through for them in the way they thought he should. For these people, even though God is objectively valuable, he is not personally (subjectively) attractive.  

The problem however isn't God but our belief that he is some kind of celestial butler catering to our every desire. But this would not be God at all. By definition God is controlled by no one but Himself. He is the reason He does what He does. 

God values us?

God not only values us as his image bearers but enjoys our interaction with him. He is delighted when we are delighted in Him. He is happy when we are happy in Him. He finds pleasure in our experiencing pleasure in and from our relationship, fellowship, and communion with him. In short he not only values us he loves us. Or if you wish you could say he not only loves us but he values us. 

God values all his image-bearers by virtue of them being like Him, but he does not have personal affection for all of them. Those he has personal affection for he seeks out and reconciles to himself. 

If this tugs at your heart, He is seeking you. If it doesn't pray He stirs your heart to seek Him. 

For a discussion on why God delights in our delight click here.

___________________________________

¹by value I simply mean something of importance, e.g. When we say someone has strong values, we mean certain things are very important to them, such as family. When we say someone has strong family values, we mean they place high importance on their family over other things. 

²The only reason God is not  personally valued, i.e. loved, by many is because they do not recognize and acknowledge all they are and have is from him.

And this is usually because of all the pain and suffering they experience and see others experience. They assume if God existed he would address all the pain and suffering (which He has, only not on their terms but on His). But this is because they don't understand the cause and purpose behind it. For a further discussion on this click here.

³something cannot be truly loved or worth loving until it is first valuable (objectively) and then valued (subjectively).

⁴The opposite is true for the same reason. Someone who has personal regard for us also has affection for us. 

This, however, doesn't mean someone has to have affection for us to treat us in a loving manner. They can treat us well simply because they recognize our value, i.e. that we are worth being treated well by virtue of being in God's image - i.e. like God - and because God has called us to treat others as we wish to be treated. 

Don't be surprised by suffering

If God is good, why does He allow evil (pain and suffering)? This is the age-old question and the reason many give for why they don't trust God.

But could it be that God allows pain to humble us and help us see that life doesn't truly work - as God intends - without Him? Could the reason for pain and suffering be this simple and come with such loving intentions?

What most do not consider is pain and suffering are the eventual outcome and natural consequences of ¹arrogance i.e. the belief they can make life work as it should without the Creator of it.

But pain can also become the ²means by which God humbles us if we let it. Evil itself is bad but humility and whatever is needed to humble us and draw us closer to God is good, not bad (though often unpleasant). A seeming contradiction?

Our inability to find true and lasting life and love apart from God can direct us back to Him - but only if we turn from our arrogant and stubborn belief that we can obtain these on our own without Him. If we persist in our unbelief, the painful consequences of our rebellious distrust of God - i.e. the evil and harm it brings - are not His fault, but our choice. 

We often don't grasp the far-reaching significance or impact of our rebellious distrust of God i.e. how harmful and destructive it truly is, not just to others but ourselves as well.

The fact that we are surprised, put off, or offended by pain and suffering (evil) is proof of how little we understand the far-reaching impact and severe consequences of our distrust of God.

We should not be surprised by the suffering caused by evil. It is the natural outcome of believing we can make life work without God and trying to do so, when all the pain it causes tells us otherwise. 

Trying to make life work without God is a lie. Life only works as it was designed to i.e. when we are in perfect alignment and union with God our Creator - the source of life, love, and all things, in whose image we were created.

We all have the capacity to see far more than we can now see about God, ourselves, and life (such as the pain and suffering our unbelief causes). The only thing blocking us from seeing more clearly is our lack of humility - refusing to acknowledge our need for and dependence on God for all we have and are. 

For a further discussion of how God uses evil for our good click here...and here.

The greater the evil the greater the opportunity for healing/

grace click here.

For a discussion on the key lesson from the book of Job, click here.

For a discussion on the value of paradox, click here.

For a discussion of how big is God click here

_________________________________

¹Even suicide is an act of arrogance. Someone ends their life because they believe it is not worth living. Yet they don't consider the foundational reason they are in despair is the absence of God i.e. their lack of trust in God and His wisdom and love in allowing pain (the organic and rightful consequences of unbelief) to continue.

²God is so wise, powerful, and good, that he uses evil for good. Only He can. But we will never see or understand this if we do not trust Him. 

"Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! 

“For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?” “Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?” For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen." Rom.11.33-36

The necessity of dependence

The very acts of eating, drinking, and breathing are daily reminders that we ¹depend on things outside ourselves for life. They also remind us of how fragile life truly is when we can not access these basic essential resources.

When we stop to consider it, what is necessary for life comes to us from ²without, not within. If we do not partake of these physical resources we die. We usually don't give this much thought until the threat of not having these presents itself.

This is not only true physically but spiritually as well. Without God - and these physical resources created and sustained by Him - we cease to ³function as we were designed to.

So we are indirectly sustained by God through the things that we need for life. Without God these things would no exist and neither would we.

No amount of rebellion or desire to be ²independent - "free" - of our physical or spiritual needs (or limits) will change our dependence. We may ignore, resist, or deny our dependence, but to do so ultimately means death - physically and spiritually. 

To continue receiving and benefiting from what we must have for life requires acknowledging our ongoing need for and dependence on them.

Even though we often despise ²dependence, in the above examples dependence is good, not bad, because it helps sustains our lives.

Every day is a gift. It is not a guarantee or a right. Without God and all He provides, only death is certain, not life. Be grateful for your life and all it offers and seek to use it to honor the Giver.

__________________________________
Footnotes:

¹Even though eating, drinking, and breathing are activities of dependence, we all love a good meal when hungry, a cold refreshing drink when thirsty, and fresh air when we are couped up in a place where the air is stale or unpleasant. We grow to love and appreciate these even more when we have gone through times when they were not readily available or were temporarily gone. 

Eating, drinking, and breathing are so much a part of our lives we do not see or treat the use of them as "acts of dependence." 

But this doesn't make them any less so. It simply indicates how much we take for granted the good things we have. It is only when we do not have them that we fully appreciate their value and the reality of our absolute life-or-death dependence on them.

In fact, isn't this the value of suffering? It makes us aware of our true status of being dependent creatures, i.e. it brings our understanding of who we are more in line with reality - a reality check if you will. 

Reality is good however not bad. Living in the real world maximizes our flourishing and minimizes harm to us and others. 

It is not the gifts we despise, but our general dependence we dislike. We wish to be free of all "restraints." However, wouldn't we all be better off if we learned to embrace all the ways we are dependent in the same way we do these everyday gifts we usually take for granted, i.e. with gratitude?

It is worth noting that Christ characterized Himself as the bread and water of life. This assumes we need far more than just what this life offers physically. As believers these are comforting promises and we gladly embrace this truth about Christ.

²We are told in scripture that our very breath comes from God. And not only our breath but everything we are and have are gifts from our Creator, whether we acknowledge this or not and whether we use them as God intends - designs.

Unfortunately to not acknowledge this leads to the permanent loss of these gifts and blessings of life. 

³When not aligned with our Creator, we not only cease to function well, but we ultimately go into eternity on this same course - i.e. without Him - but also without access to the creation we presently enjoy. For more on this click here.

Forsaken and abandoned?

When we experience pain - emotionally or physically - our biggest struggle is thinking we are forsaken and abandoned by God.

Yet God's greatest promise is nothing - especially suffering - will ever separate those who trust and love Christ, from his love.

God's greatest proof is sending His Son to suffer what should have been our pain so He could restore us to Himself. This will ultimately free us from all pain in eternity, if not now. 

Because of this, our pain is not only temporary but actually becomes the means by which we are drawn closer to God - but only if our pain is received well - i.e. by faith that God is using our pain for our good. It is preparing us for an eternal glory that far outweighs any temporary loss. 

We may be certain that we are a child of God and believe He loves us simply because He proved it by sending Christ, even when we are constantly bombarded with experiences that seem to indicate otherwise.

If our faith - that God is good, loving, wise, and all-powerful in allowing our pain - is not strong, the difficulties and struggles of life will beat us down when God is actually seeking to build us up through them by drawing us closer to Himself - i.e. to purify and strengthen our faith through these challenges.

God is not judging us nor has he abandoned us when we go through adversity. Struggles are a part of our ¹broken condition and ²the broken world we now live in (brought about by humanity's general overall rebellion). 

Though we are perfectly loved in and by Christ, we are not yet fully in union with God (we are not face to face with Him and in the fullness of His presence and fully glorified or totally free of pain). All of creation (especially us) is presently in bondage, awaiting our complete deliverance. 

For a further discussion of how God uses evil for our good click here...and here.

The greater the evil the greater the opportunity for healing/grace click here.

_______________________________

¹And what is the nature of our existence? We are finite in our understanding and ability to gain what we most need - not only because we are disconnected from God - the Source of life, love, and all things - but simply because we are finite, dependent creatures. 

But we are also spiritually dead and disconnected from the Source of all things and therefore impotent in our ability to live as we were designed to. We question God's love at the drop of a hat and the slightest breeze of adversity. We are damaged goods - "traumatized" - full of doubt and distrust when life gets hard. 

As a result, we often beat ourselves up and go through life wondering how and why God would love us. Surely, he has every right to abandon us because of our weaknesses, fears, doubts, and failures. And He does have a perfect right to abandon us, yet He chooses to meet us in our weakness, on our level - in and through Christ - to restore us back to a loving relationship with him, not just once but constantly with no limit. This is why we call it amazing grace. 

This state of current pain is due to our commitment to being our own God and our disregard for Christ's work for us. Our trust in our efforts to win God's (and other's) acceptance must shift to trust in Christ's efforts (work) on our behalf. We must stop putting confidence in our deeds and put it in Christ's which are complete and completely satisfies our need and requirement for perfect righteousness i.e. to live right toward God and others.

²The world is full of beauty and wonder, but it is also filled with death, disease, destruction, decay, and conflict. God warned us this would be the outcome if we rebelled. 

It is no wonder life is often so difficult. Instead of being surprised or put off by adversity, we should anticipate it. Christ said in this world you will have tribulation (adversity). But he also said "fear not, I have overcome the world." How? By coming back to life after embracing our pain, suffering, and eventual death so we too would participate in His resurrected life one day.

Adversity has nothing to do with God's love - in the sense that he no longer loves us when we struggle or go through hard times. But it also has everything to do with God's love because he uses all things (including and especially the hard things) for our good i.e. to draw us closer to him in greater dependence and trust through those struggles so we might become more like His Son so we might more fully experience His love and reflect it out to others i.e. to let our light shine, which is His light shinning in and through us and made brighter by burning away the impurities in us - painful but necessary process.