Healing trauma

There is a great deal of focus among ⁷some on trauma and past wounds. They either focus on their family of origin or some past personal traumatic event - or both. As a result many are on a never ending quest to uncover forgotten or hidden wounds in the hope - falsely I would suggest - this will somehow unlock them from their prison of internal pain, wrestlessness, loneliness and meaninglessness. 

If the sought after relief is not found by uncovering conventional wounds, some even explore ¹generational trauma passed down through their ancestors they have no immediate connection to.

While these exercises may have ⁵significant value they miss the more fundamental and deeper issue. All such wounds are ²secondary and can only take root in our hearts because of a far more significant ³primary trauma or wound we ⁴all have. 

To work through and be freed of secondary wounds we shouldn't focus exclusively on them but must first address the highly critical and life-altering primary wound we ⁴all have in common.

Because of this primary wound we all are emotionally fragile at best, resulting in even the ⁵slightest offense - i.e. secondary wounds - throwing us into trauma and seemingly scarring us irreparably.

Instead of focusing on our secondary wounds we should focus on the perfect healing offered to us for our primary wound.

Why?

Until we experience healing of our primary wound we will never be truly freed from any secondary wounds. 

As our primary wound heals - via an increasing grasp of the good news (the gospel) - the more we can fully acknowledge our secondary wounds and be freed from them. And the more resilient and impervious we become to all new wounds. Simply stated, the more whole we become the less these secondary wounds impact or control us.

So what exactly is this primary wound? 

It is the severing of our connection with and alienation from our Creator, the Source of love, life, and all things. 

However, this wound is different. It is due to our turning away from God in distrust (unbelief) i.e. this wound is self-inflicted i.e. one we choose. We are not the victim of this wound but the cause - perpetrators... every one of us, no exceptions. If there is a "victim," it is God Himself (objectively speaking - God doesn't need us, we need him. Nor can He be diminished by us and our choices).

Unlike secondary wounds that are only experienced by some - such as sexual, emotional, or physical abuse - our primary wound is experienced by each and every one of us from the outset of the human race, beginning at the rebellion of our original parents (our original ancestors if you prefer) in the garden of Eden and continued by us in refusing to trust all God has done (and does) for us, to free us of our primary wound, in and through Christ.

The significance of this trauma is far greater than most of us know, much less understand. It results in us cutting ourselves off from God, the very Source of life and love. 

How can this not be traumatic? It is so traumatic it has plunged the entire human race and all creation itself into ⁶all the pain, suffering, and death we daily hear, see, or experience to this day. It is the underlying reason behind all pain and suffering in the world as well as our individual secondary wounds. This primary wound is so significant that secondary wounds will shape and cripple us less as our primary wound begins and continues to heal.

This primary wound is ⁴common to everyone of us, unlike secondary wounds which may be similar but also unique to each of us. 

Why does this matter and how is it different from secondary wounds? We all are in the "same boat" regarding this primary trauma and can therefore appreciate a common healing for all who receive and experience it. 

The state of humanity in all its ⁷loneliness, pain, and destructiveness in itself is evidence enough that humanity at large is disconnected and deeply wounded and in pain i.e. traumatized. Among other things, this results in all other trauma (secondary wounds) taking root and crippling us if not properly addressed.

This does not minimize secondary wounds but helps us to better understand them and not feel as isolated from the rest of humanity who may not have gone through the same secondary trauma we have.

What is the solution to our primary wound? Christ!  Seeing and trusting in all Christ did (all the pain he took upon Himself caused by our turning away from God) to restore us back to his Father and our Creator so we might ultimately be fully healed of our primary wound and free of all pain in eternity. 

It's not just what God says but what he did.

The saying goes "actions speak louder than words." God says He loves us, but He did far more than just say it, he proved it in and through the actions and sacrifice of Christ to restore us. 

Because of Christ, not only is the healing of our primary internal wound available (i.e. restoration from our alienation from the very Source of life and love) but we are promised God's perfect ongoing providential care is also ours regardless of our past or present circumstances (all otherwise potentially traumatic events), as well as the eventual and total delivery from the very presence of all pain and suffering when we go into eternity.

Nothing will ever separate us from God's love again once we receive the spiritual and emotional healing offered to us in Christ. This love is perfectly ours right now if we receive it - and the fundamental truth we all must internalize if we are to be freed from past wounds - both primary and secondary. The more we see, grasp, and internalize (believe) this reality, the freer we become of all secondary wounds.

For a discussion on being an offender as well as offended click here.

For a discussion on how God loves the offender and offended click here.

For a discussion on being a victim vs "playing the victim" click here.

For a discussion on why our kids rebel click here.

For a discussion on how we have God's love perfectly but not yet fully click here. 

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Footnotes:

¹You even see this within some church circles - mostly within the more charismatic and fundamentalist circles. 

They cite Deut 5:9 as a support text. But in the context, this has more to do with the outward consequences of placing a higher value on something other than God. Our kids will mirror our values (how we live our life vs the way we say it should be lived) through several generations. 

This passage isn't specifically addressing internal trauma but destructive external behavior that our kids pick up through our example (often unbeknownst to us). 

²What is the effect or results of our primary wound? There is a subtle but constant undercurrent in our life of feeling inadequate,  insignificant, unimportant, abandoned, rejected or the like. We believe we no longer matter to the Creator. In short we no longer feel or believe our Creator cares and loves us but is only angry and disappointed in us. If we were raised in a loving and stable family this is less obvious but still exist nevertheless. 

Yet He who is the very Source and Cause of life, love and all things, sent His Son to restore us back Himself when we were in full blown rebellion to Him which clearly indicates otherwise. Our sense of abandonment is not because God abandoned us but the other way around i.e. we abandon Him. 

³What is the effect or results of our secondary wounds? Any event brought about by hurtful interaction with creation - be that at the hand of other image bearers of God or with nature (creation) in general - which causes us to feel insignificant, unimportant, abandoned, rejected… i.e. we don't matter. In short we no longer feel or believe we are loved because of actions by those secondary sources of love who wound us.

⁴Knowing this is a common problem and struggle helps prevent us from having a "pity party" - the essence of a victim mindset - and developing a martys complex ("You just don't understand! No one has experienced the pain I have..." But they have. In fact everyone has to some degree but most importantly, especially Christ Himself. No one has or ever suffered as a true victim as Christ did...and that for our sake).

It also helps create unity among God's children as we work together and encourage each other in addressing this common problem - as well as the solution - of alienation from God and restoration through Christ. This is in fact the primary unifying force within the church universal and an essential element of the good news of God's offer of full restoration i.e. the "gospel."

⁵Slight only compared to our primary wound of separation from our Creator. A separation from the very source of life, love, and all things. Secondary wounds are very real and some are devastating but still minor in comparison to separation from God and what Christ endured for us.

 ⁶We and the rest of creation have been irreparably harmed and crippled and are only a fraction of our original design. It took the eternal Son of God taking on Human form and stepping into this world of pain and suffered - we created - and letting it kill him, to free us one day.

⁷This seems more common among those who are under 45. But even those among us who experience the best circumstances and most stable upbringing experience these things...something major is still missing - we all long for more because we were created for far more...i.e. union with the Source of life, love and all things.

⁸No doubt the fracturing of the family unit and increase in broken homes since the early 60s has contributed to this trend.