Pain, humility, and knowing God

Is there any connection between knowing God, humility, and pain? At first we may not think so. 

Let's take a closer look. 

Since humility is key to knowing, seeing, and experiencing God, we should embrace and receive, with thanks, anything that helps humble us, including and maybe especially pain and suffering.  

Instead of bristling at pain and pursuing ¹anything we can find to distract or relieve us from it, we should embrace struggles and be grateful for them. They are a vital means of drawing us nearer to God. 

Knowing God is far more significant and beneficial than short-term relief from our struggles (though it often doesn't feel that way at the moment). Seeing and knowing this enables us to receive suffering with gratitude.

In short, the reason we are to be thankful for our struggles (vs complaining about them) is they ²can be and usually are a primary means of strengthening our understanding and relationship with God who is the source of life, love, and all things i.e. pain ²can be a very unpleasant means to the greatest and most desirable and pleasant end - our increased union with God and the joy and happiness we find in Him. So while the loss of things we rely on for comfort or pleasure are painful, they become the very means by which we are drawn closer to God, the Source of life, love, and all things. 

Thankfulness is the best indicator of humility. Humility is the key to seeing and knowing God in all His infinite love and glory.

How do we discover God's love in our pain? click here

For a further discussion on the primary role of pain click here

For a further discussion of how God uses evil for our good click here...and here.

The greater the evil the greater the opportunity for healing/

grace click here.

For a discussion on the key lesson from the book of Job, click here.

For a discussion on the value of paradox, click here.

For a discussion on the necessity of humility click here

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Footnotes:

¹drugs, alcohol, and sex are some of the more obvious and most common diversions. But diversions can also be more socially acceptable pursuits, such as recreation, career, entertainment, material possessions, food, power, control, fame, or anything else pleasant that will help distract us or relieve us from pain. Boredom is also a form of low-grade pain. 

This is not because pleasure in itself or those things among creation that bring us pleasure are bad. God created us for pleasure but in, by, and through Him. But when comfort or pleasure in itself (the opposite of pain) becomes a higher pursuit than God, it is contrary to our design of finding our greatest happiness in God and what He provides. 

²Actually pain and struggle is a primary means to our increasing maturity and greater union with God when received with thanksgiving. I say "can" because it depends on us trusting that God is using our pain for our ultimate good (even the pain caused by the failures and offenses of others). Otherwise, suffering will only make us angry and embitter us. 

"See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no 'root of bitterness' springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;" - Heb 12:15. No one likes being around a bitter and angry person - except maybe others who are the same way... "birds of a feather..." as the saying goes.  

It is worth noting that the author of Hebrews was writing to people going through intense persecution and suffering at the hands of others.

Hebrews 12:6-8 ESV

⁶For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” ⁷It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? ⁸If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons... 

Hebrews 12:11 ESV

¹¹For the moment, all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. 

Other passages that directly or indirectly address this vital truth... 

James 1:2-4 ESV

²Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, ³for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. ⁴And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  

Ephesians 5:20

"...giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,"  

1 Thessalonians 5:18

"Give thanks in every circumstance, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 

Colossians 3:17

"And whatever you do, in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." 

Philippians 4:6

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." 

This last passage is particularly interesting because we often go to God in prayer for relief from difficulties, yet God says we should give thanks in those very kinds of prayers i.e. don't just seek God for relief, seek God himself and be grateful for everything that aids you in knowing Him better, especially difficulties. 

Romans 8:28-29 

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. [29] For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers."

The good that God is achieving in all things (vs 28) - both hard and comforting - is making us more like His Son (vs 29), not necessarily improved circumstances.

No shortcuts to maturity

Pain is a ¹necessary part of ²growth. We either experience it through... 

³Self-denial and submission to God's ⁴directives - necessary because of our brokenness and inclination towards ⁵rebellions distrust of God.

or 

As a result of living in a broken world among others who are also broken from their rebellion to God. 

There is no way around pain. It comes to us through the offenses of others in this broken world. There are also no shortcuts to being weaned from our own ⁶brokenness and the pain it causes.

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation (The meaning of tribulation in the original Greek - persecution, affliction, distress, pressure). But take heart (i.e. do not be fearful or lose hope); ⁷I have overcome the world.” - Jesus in John 16:33

The good news is God knows and understands our pain because Christ stepped into our broken world and suffered far more than we ever will - and for our benefit. 

And not only so but he also uses our pain and struggles for our good. In knowing this, we find peace - i.e. "...in me you may have peace." 

Though pain continues in this life, it no longer disturbs us in the way it did before. We now see how God uses it for a good purpose if we love and trust Him.

In Christ, we therefore live with ⁷hope in the midst of pain, not despair, anxiety or fear.

How do we discover God's love in our pain? click here

For a further discussion on the primary role of pain click here

For a further discussion of how God uses evil for our good click here...and here.

The greater the evil the greater the opportunity for healing/

grace click here.

For a discussion on the key lesson from the book of Job, click here.

For a discussion on the value of paradox, click here.

For a discussion on the necessity of humility click here

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Footnotes:

¹Pain reminds us that we were not designed to operate without God. The more we come to see and understand this the more we look to God for true life, and not to creation with all it's "creature comforts."

Coming to see and know God as the true source of life, love, and all things is at the heart of our transformation - growth. Pain often is a - if not the - primary means  by which this occurs if we receive it by faith as such, i.e. we do not become angered or embittered by our suffering, pain, or struggles but welcome them as our friends to help us grow deeper roots into God and find Him more and more as our true life and joy.

"When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives my brothers, don’t resent them as intruders, but welcome them as friends! Realise that they come to test your faith and to produce in you the quality of endurance. But let the process go on until that endurance is fully developed, and you will find you have become men of mature character with the right sort of independence..." Jas 1:2-3 JB Phillips

²We are so blinded by our selfishness we will never see how deep it runs until we are pressed beyond our ability to handle the pain it causes.

³God actually calls us to go through pain to advance us spiritually. We don't think of self-denial as a form of pain. However, self-denial is a call to turn away from those things we use to find comfort in and ease our pain, so we might pursue God as our comfort.

To expand on this, Christ says we are to take up our cross and follow him. The cross is a symbol of pain and death. Christ is calling us to take on and embrace pain in the same way He did in order to follow him. At first, we might think this is insane. Why would God call us to willingly take on and embrace pain when we spend all our lives trying to avoid it!?

When the world asks how can God be good and just, when He does not relieve all the pain and suffering in the world (including our own), it reveals the depth of our rebellion towards God. Pain is the organic fruit of our rebellious distrust and independence from God, not as deliberate punishment by some angry supernatural being. It only remains to wean us away from inappropriate dependence on the creation and turn us to dependence on the Creator for true life where it belongs and where we will flourish and experience life most. 

If we allow pain to do this, we will be saved in, by, and through our pain and suffering, i.e. It remains for the exact opposite of what we assume. God ultimately uses it to advance us spiritually, not harm us. But only if we receive it as from His hand for our advancement, not our harm. If we believe it is only for our harm we will not gain from it the good God intends.

⁴The primary directive is that we love God with all that we have and are and our neighbor as ourselves.

⁵Pursuit of something other than God for life is at the heart of our rebellion. This says these other things are more important or valuable than God i.e. they become our God. 

⁶The heart of our brokenness - selfishness - is our rebellious commitment to being our own god. We put greater trust in ourselves into gaining what is best than trusting God to do what is best for us. This is due to not believing God is who he claims to be... the Source of life, love, and all things. The result is the pursuit of creation itself and making it our god. 

How's that working for you so far? 

"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them.

For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.

For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things." - Rom1:18-23

Of course, today we do not worship birds, animals, and creeping things as they did back when Paul penned this. But these are representatives of creation. We naturally ascribe to created things - i.e. anything from our earthly existence - the value and glory that can only be ascribed to God. That is the application and underlying truth of this passage for us today, not the primitive worship of animals.

⁷How did Christ overcome the world? He embraced the world's pain and suffering (including ours) and allowed it to kill him so that we might not have to remain in pain and die. Then He overcame that pain by resurrecting so that we might also resurrect one day if we put our trust in Him.  

Pain and death do not have the final word, life does in and through Christ demonstrated and confirmed by his resurrection. Because he resurrected, we will also in him. This is our hope in our pain.

The necessity of dependence

The very acts of eating, drinking, and breathing are daily reminders that we ¹depend on things outside ourselves for life. 

They also remind us of how fragile life truly is when we can not access these basic essential resources.

When we stop to consider it, the most basic things necessary for life comes to us from ²without, not within. If we do not partake of these physical resources, we physically die. We usually don't give this much thought until the threat of their absence presents itself.

This is not only true physically but spiritually as well. Without God - and these physical resources created, sustained, and given to us by God - we cease to ³function as we were designed to. We are not just physical beings but spiritual also. Why? Because we are created in God's image and He is Spirit.

So we are sustained by God through the material things we must have for life. Without God, these things would not exist, and neither would we.

No amount of resistance to dependence or the desire to be ²independent - "free" - of our physical or spiritual needs (or limits) will change our dependence. We may ignore, resist, or deny our dependence, but to do so ultimately leads to death - physically and spiritually. 

To continue receiving and benefiting from what we must have for life requires acknowledging our ongoing need for and dependence on them and their Source. Otherwise, it will lead to continued separation from the very Source of life and ultimate separation from all created things after this present existence.

Even though we often despise ²dependence, in the above examples dependence is good, not bad, because it helps sustain our lives.

Every day and every breath are gifts. They are not guarantees or rights we can demand or become angry over losing. Without God and all He provides, only death is certain, not life because He is the Source of life. Be grateful for your life and all it offers and seek to use it to honor the Giver.

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Footnotes:

¹Even though eating, drinking, and breathing are activities of dependence, we all love a good meal when hungry, a cold refreshing drink when thirsty, and fresh air when we are suffocating or couped up in a place where the air is stale or unpleasant. We grow to love and appreciate these even more when we have gone through times when they were not readily available or temporarily unavailable. 

This is why suffering the temporary loss of these gifts gives us a whole new perspective on life and appreciation for these basic needs and the gifts offered to meet them. Who hasn't heard of someone's entire outlook and approach to life forever changed because of a near-death experience from the lack of one or more of these resources? This kind of event causes a major shift in our view of life and the world. 

This is true of hard circumstances as well. Those who have lost their freedom of some kind - e.g. politically, physically, healthwise etc. - (or some other gift of life) appreciate it all the more when they get it back. 

Eating, drinking, and breathing are so much a part of our lives we do not see or treat the use of them as "acts of dependence." But this doesn't make them any less so. It simply indicates how much we take for granted the good things we have. It is only when we do not have them that we fully appreciate their value and the reality of our absolute life-or-death dependence on them.

In fact, isn't this the value of suffering? It humbles us and makes us aware of our true status of being dependent creatures, i.e. it brings our understanding of who we are more in line with reality - a "reality check" if you will. 

Reality is good, however, not bad. Living in the "real world" maximizes our flourishing and minimizes harm to us and others. Living in a delusional world eventually leads to permanent loss of the good gifts we enjoy each day but take so much for granted.

Embrace the reality of your dependence. In the long run, your life will flourish more because of this. This in part is what the bible means when it says we find life through death. Death to a false sense of independence, leads to life. To truly live we must die first.

No one likes pain or suffering and many use its existence to justify being angry at God, when in truth these are the organic result of rejecting dependence on our Creator and His creation. Pain is designed to bring us back into alignment with our Creator and remind us of our absolute dependence on Him for our very breath. There is actually a very good reason suffering and evil remain in this life. 

It is not the gifts we despise, but our general dependence we dislike. We wish to be free of all "restraints." However, wouldn't we all be better off if we learned to embrace all the ways we are dependent in the same way we do these everyday gifts (breath, air, water etc) we usually take for granted, i.e. with gratitude?

It is worth noting that Christ characterized Himself as the bread and water of life. This implies we need far more for real life than just what this physical life offers. As believers, these are comforting promises, and we gladly embrace this truth about Christ.

²We are told in scripture that our very breath comes from God. Not only our breath but everything we are and have are gifts from our Creator, regardless of whether we acknowledge this or use them as God intends and designs.

Unfortunately, not acknowledging this leads to the permanent loss of these gifts and all blessings of life. If we reject the Giver of these things, we eventually lose both the Giver and His gifts. Why would he continue to extend them to us, if we refuse to acknowledge the cause for else's.

To continue having and using the gifts without acknowledging the Giver would be living in a delusion or lie. To remain on or abandon this path is our chosing, no one elses.

³When not aligned with our Creator, we not only cease to function well, but we ultimately go into eternity on this same course - i.e. without Him - but also without access to the creation we presently enjoy. For more on this click here.

What reveals our heart most

If we want to know the true condition of our heart two things reveal it better than anything; ¹great adversity and great success. 

Great adversity either humbles us or embitters us. Great success either makes us proud or grateful.

When you go through great adversity, how do you respond? Do you get angry and blame others or shake your fist at God? Or do you step back and reflect on how this too comes from God's hand for your good and seek to respond in a way that honors Him?

When you have a really good day (or season) where everything lines up circumstantially and everything you touch turns to gold, how do you respond? Do you start feeling and thinking that you are better than others or are you humbled that God has been good to you and cleared your path?

If you are inclined to feel anger during adversity or pride from success, what is the solution? It is actually the same for both; God's love. As we trust more and more in God's love and allow it to seep deep into our souls - whether in success or struggle - we are freed from trying to get love or affirmation elsewhere. We are not drawn away from God by the praise of men, because God's embrace means far more. 

We also question God's good intentions behind our hardships less. As our trust in God matures, we recognize more and more that the struggles and blessings of life are only from his wise and gracious hand. 

Great success or great suffering may darken our hearts or make us wiser and more humble, but they will never leave us where we were.

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¹what is the difference in these very different responses? Humility. Those who respond positively recognize all they are and have comes from their Creator. Those who don't, believe they are alone and must make life work on their own. No one is there to help them or cares about them more than they can or do.

The latter is a lonely path we are not designed to travel. We are created for relationship, but not just any relationship will do. Only one with the infinitely loving, wise, and all-powerful Creator,  who knows us better than we know ourselves. 

What does God value in us?

Why is humility so important? 

What best brings it about? 

Is there any connection between our value, as bearers of God's image, and humility?

We will start by looking at humility and then how this is connected to being like God - Jesus i.e. in His image.

There are at least three foundational truths to grasp for humility to increase in us...

1. We must know - in our heart, not just our head - that all that we are and have comes from God - especially our being in His image with the capacity to partake of and participate in the union of Father, Son, and Spirit.

2. We must know God values us regardless of our failures (or struggles). In fact, He actually uses struggles to advance us and strengthen our relationship with Him.

3. We must know God values us regardless of what anyone else thinks or says about us - i.e. we don't need to ¹promote ourselves and derive our sense of value through the praise (or criticism) of others. 

We are already fully and eternally valued and cherished by God. If God is for us, who can ultimately be against us? Hint...nothing and no one...including ourselves! 

What is the basis of God's value of us? It is threefold.

1. God made us like Himself. It is His image in us that He values. Or it may be more accurate to say he values us because we are in his image.

But why does God value his image in us? What is it about His image He finds so attractive and appealing, even though we are so broken, often ugly, full of doubts and distrust of Him? (...or maybe in part indirectly because of these - i.e., because of the humility our failures and struggles help develop in us.  Plus what normal fathers care isn't more heightened when his child is in more distress, not less). 

Christ also being in the image of God may be an important first clue to our value and humility. Let's take a closer look.

God knows our capacity and sees fully what we are becoming and will be that day we are finally and fully glorified and perfectly united with Him in ²eternity (because we are in his image we will be more ³like God on that day than we can even imagine or now see).

2. God no longer holds our failures against us - Christ already fully addressed them ⁴legally. 

In Christ, there is now no barrier between God and us on his side of the relationship (though we wander back and forth in our trust of Him i.e. our side of the relationship always fluctuates, but His never does). 

Therefore, He fully and perfectly receives and embraces us in His love. He will never love us anymore (now or in eternity) more than He already does because of Christ. To use a description by Paul, we are seated in heavenly places in Christ, at this very moment and every moment since we first trusted Christ! 

 

3. He knows where our struggles and failures are ultimately taking us. Since, in Christ, our rebellious distrust of God is no longer a legal issue, He now focuses on how to maximize the use of our failures and struggles ⁴practically i.e., how to use them to humble us - if we let Him - and how they advance our increased participation in Him in all His infinite glory, both now but particularly in eternity. 

Our eternal reward is God Himself. The more we humble ourselves, the more we see and experience Him in the fullness of His glory and the greater our joy.

God is thrilled and delighted in us - because He is thrilled and delighted in Himself and His Son first, and how we are becoming more like His Son through our struggles - and how we will finally be like Him when we are fully in union with Him and fully glorified alongside Him the moment we step into eternity. Because, at that time, our union with Him will be complete and perfect in the same way His Son's is - and was from eternity past and is again since his resurrection - the Son who is already and fully in the perfect image of the Father. 

We will be like the prodigal son that his father lost, ⁵who returned. For now, God eagerly watches our progress as we grow in greater trust. He awaits our perfect restoration and union with him (in the same way the prodigal son's father did). At that time God will throw His arms around us, kiss our neck and throw a feast for us, ⁹celebrating our complete union and exaltation with Him forevermore. We will fully experience our glory by fully partaking of His. 

Like Christ, His only begotten Son, we too are his sons and daughters (even though Christ is the only eternally begotten Son; like Christ, we are the sons and daughters of the all-glorious Creator God). 

Because of what Christ did for us, He earned the status of being the first born of many "brothers" i.e. of additional sons and daughters. 

He was also the first (first fruits) to go through death and come out the other side fully glorified and victorious. This suggests there are others like Him to follow i.e. others who put their complete trust in Christ (as Christ did in the Father) and what He did to restore us to the Father. As God's sons and daughters in Christ, we are next, for we too have died in Christ and therefore will also be resurrected in glory.

Imagine the delight the Father had in His Son from all eternity past and the excitement he felt upon His return to Heaven and being restored to His full glory and by His side again. The Father has this same ⁶eager anticipation and excitement for being with us and our being united with Him. He values us as His sons and daughters in the same way He values Jesus, His eternal, only begotten Son.

And what a day of joy and celebration that will be for God and us! The greatness of our capacity to be like God (Christ) and enjoy and reflect him throughout eternity will only be 2nd to Christ Himself! 

And the greater our ⁷humbling in this life - whether self imposed (through self denial and sacrificial love of others) or through painful circumstances - the more fully we will participate and engage in, experience, and enjoy the Father and Son in, by, and through the Spirit - both now, but more importantly throughout eternity. At that time we will fully join in the celebration and divine dance of glory and love between the Father and Son in, through, and by the Spirit. The greater our humility and trust now the more we enter into and partake of the only true God now but especially in eternity.

So never shy away from discipline, obedience to the Father, struggle, disappointment, setbacks, suffering, but embrace them - in the same way Christ did. The more we do, the more we become like Christ, and the more fully we will partake of glory (God's and our own), in the same way Christ does.

God Himself is our reward and struggle is often the primary means by which we draw nearer to Him. The ⁸more you partake of challenges of any kind - either self imposed or externally imposed - and let them humble you, the more fully you will be able to engage and participate in God in all His wonder, majesty, beauty and glory both now but especially throughout eternity.

So count it all joy when you go through various struggles. Fix your eyes on Jesus the author and finisher of our faith who for the joy set before Him endured the greatest pain. Get ready for His celebration of you and your joining Him in the greatest party you will ever have or experience. A celebration that never ends! This is the essence and glory of heaven.

For a discussion on what makes Christ unique as the only begotten son click here. 

For a discussion on the humility of God click here

For a discussion on why evil exists click here.

For a discussion on if we are accountable for Adams rebellion click here.

For a discussion on who we are but who we are not yet but will be click here.

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¹Self promotion - exaltation - is at the heart of pride and pride is the opposite of humility. We seek to promote ourselves to fill the void caused by God's absence, brought about by our rejecting and distrusting God in all His care, love, value, support, advancement and promotion of us. To lay down attempts to advance ourselves and receive the love, care and support of another requires humility and trust (and not just any "other" but the all wise, loving and powerful Creator God). It is acknowledging our dependence on another versus being our own god i.e. vs being independent. It is the reversal of the spirit of distrust and rebellion displayed by Adam in the Eden.

²We have the short view. God has the long view which happens to also be the most important and true view.  

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient (temporary, fleeting), but the things that are unseen are eternal (permanent, unshakable)" 2 Cor 4:16‭-‬18

³The potential of our being like God and fully experiencing Him lies dormant in us as bearers of His image. This capacity was not lost in our rebellion but lethally suppressed i.e. we died spiritually the day we rebelled and chose to be our own god. When we rebelled and broke trust with God, our spiritual light went out (though the capacity for that light to be turned back on remained). When we turned away from God, our full brilliance - glory - went dormant. What was left was a spiritual void - hunger - that we now seek to fill. But due to our rebellious distrust of the only One who can fill it, we seek glory outside of and apart from God through creation, instead of in and through Him who is the Creator.

Now we treat God as our enemy and the one that blocks (prevents) us from obtaining fullness of life - or so we think - through created things instead of the Creator of them. 

 

But is this true? Do we really think he's our enemy? How do we know? How can we tell?

If we get angry, when our plans to gain life outside of God are thwarted, we are ultimately shaking our fist at God. We believe He's the cause of our pain when it is His absence - due to our distrust of Him - that is the actual cause.

Physical death is evidence and the outward manifestation of our internal spiritual death that occurred at the rebellion of our original parents, Adam and Eve. In order for our true spiritual brilliance to be completely manifested in and through us again, we have to abandon our pursuit of being our own god and be fully united with - plugged into - the source of life and love - the all glorious, brilliant, majestic, and beautiful God who is our Creator and the Source of us and all things. God alone is our true life source - the source of all glory and brilliance...and of our glory and our brilliance - we are not. 

Being reunited with God - the source of life, love and all things - only occurs in and through placing our trust in Christs efforts on our behalf, not our own.

⁴Our rebellious unbelief (sin) is addressed in 2 ways:

Legally - objectively. Our rebellion is no longer held against us because of Christ and His bearing the full legal consequences of that rebellion i.e. God's condemnation and judgment for our rebellion are gone, removed forever and never revisited again by God. Christ bore all of it when He died and came back to life, putting these away from us forever.

Practically - subjectively. As we become more aware of the depth of our rebellious distrust we are humbled and increasingly understand the significance of Christ fully removing the legal consequences of our rebellion and our desperate need for Him.

⁵Due to his son humbling himself because of his failure to make it on his own.

⁶And not the Father only but the Son also eagerly anticipated His return as well.

⁷Challenges will either make us distrusting and bitter or better. It is our choice. We must choose to believe He is working for our good or not i.e. we are tested on whether we believe he is for us and not against us, just as Christ was tested in the wilderness, in the Garden of Gethsemane and on the cross.

⁸Do not question God's love and the good intentions He has toward you when allowing you to enter into and go through struggles or fiery trails. He is working in you things you do not yet fully see or understand, to humble you and enable you to be more like his Son so that you can better feast with Him in eternity as the Son does.

So "count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing..." - Jas 1:2‭-‬5

 

⁹If this is the response of a finite and flawed human father, imagine the response of a perfect, infinitely wise, loving, and all powerful heavenly Father. I would say we can't and won't be able to fully grasp this until that day we are looking face to face into His eyes.


A personal note regarding this post...

I used to dread dying and have always hoped I would die quietly in my sleep some day but after understanding the truths above I am inclined to accept the most challenging death, and now recognize going through such a death might humble me further so I might be exalted even more when I finally step into eternity with God. 

The closeness of our union with God and extent of our partaking of God in eternity is in proportion to our humility in this present life. 

Don't shy away from the things that humble you, embrace them. Doing so increases your capacity to experience more of God's embrace of you. Not His actual embrace (i.e. He already perfectly receives us now in Christ) - but our more fully receiving and experiencing His embrace of us now emotionally. This is already perfectly ours in Christ because of His efforts (not yours) on your behalf.

 

Healing trauma

There is a great deal of focus these days by ⁷some on trauma and past wounds. They either focus on their family of origin or some past personal traumatic event, or both. As a result, many are on a never-ending quest to uncover forgotten or hidden wounds in the hope - false, I would suggest - that this will somehow unlock them from their prison of internal pain, restlessness, loneliness, and meaninglessness. 

If the sought-after relief is not found by uncovering conventional wounds, some even explore ¹generational trauma passed down through their ancestors, which they have no immediate connection to.

While these exercises may be helpful and have ⁵significant value, they miss the more fundamental and deeper issue. All such wounds are ²secondary and can only take root in our hearts because of a far more significant ³primary trauma or wound which is not unique to us but we ⁴all have. 

To work through and be freed from secondary wounds, we shouldn't focus exclusively on them but must first address the highly critical and life-altering primary wound we ⁴all have in common.

Because of this primary wound, we all are emotionally fragile at best, resulting in even the ⁵slightest offense - i.e. secondary wounds - throwing us into "trauma" and seemingly scarring us irreparably.

Instead of focusing on our secondary wounds, we should focus on the perfect healing offered to us for our primary wound.

Why?

Until we experience healing of our primary wound, we can never be truly freed from any secondary wounds. 

As our primary wound heals - via an increasing grasp of the good news (the gospel) - the more we are freed to fully acknowledge our secondary wounds and be released from them. And the more resilient and impervious we become to all new wounds. 

Simply stated, the more whole we become, the less these secondary wounds impact or control us.

So what exactly is this primary wound? 

It is the severing of our connection with and alienation from our Creator, the Source of love, life, and all things. 

However, this wound is different. It is due to our turning away from God in distrust (unbelief), i.e., this wound is self-inflicted, i.e., one we choose. We are not the victim of this wound but the cause - perpetrators... every one of us, no exceptions. 

If there is a "victim," it is God Himself (objectively speaking. God doesn't need us; we need him. Nor can He be personally diminished by us and our choices but is only diminished in the eyes of others causing them harm)

Unlike secondary wounds that are only experienced by some - such as sexual, emotional, or physical abuse - our primary wound is experienced by each and every one of us from the outset of the human race, beginning at the rebellion of our original parents (our original ancestors if you prefer) in the garden of Eden and continued by us in refusing to trust all God has done (and does) for us to free us of our primary wound in and through Christ.

The significance of this trauma is far greater than most of us know, much less understand. It results in us cutting ourselves off from God, the very Source of life and love. 

How can this not be traumatic? It is so traumatic that it has plunged the entire human race and all creation itself into ⁶all the pain, suffering, and death we daily hear, see, or experience to this day. It is the underlying reason behind all pain and suffering in the world, as well as our individual secondary wounds. 

This primary wound is so significant that secondary wounds will increasingly shape and cripple us less, as our primary wound begins and continues to heal.

This primary wound is ⁴common to everyone, unlike secondary wounds, which may be similar but also unique to each of us. 

Why does this matter, and how is it different from secondary wounds? We all are in the "same boat" regarding this primary trauma and can therefore appreciate a common healing for all who receive and experience it. 

The state of humanity in all its ⁷loneliness, pain, and destructiveness in itself is evidence enough that humanity at large is disconnected and deeply wounded and in pain i.e. traumatized. Among other things, this results in all other trauma (secondary wounds) taking root and crippling us if not properly addressed.

This does not minimize secondary wounds but helps us to better understand them and not see ourselves as victims or feel isolated from the rest of humanity, who may not have gone through the same secondary trauma we have.

What is the solution to our primary wound? Christ!  Seeing and trusting in all Christ did (all the pain he took upon Himself caused by our turning away from God) to restore us to His Father and our Creator. He did this so we might ultimately be fully healed of our primary wound and free of all pain in eternity. 

It's not just what God says but what he did.

The saying goes, "Actions speak louder than words." God says He loves us, but He did far more than just say it; he proved it in and through the actions and sacrifice of Christ to restore us. 

Because of Christ, not only is the healing of our primary internal wound offered (i.e. restoration to God from our alienation with the very Source of life and love) but we are promised God's perfect ongoing providential love and care is also ours regardless of our past or present circumstances (all otherwise potentially traumatic events), as well as the eventual and total delivery from the very presence of all pain and suffering when we are fully restored through our resurrection into complete union with the Source of life, love, and all things.

Nothing will ever separate us from God's love again once we receive the spiritual and emotional healing offered to us in Christ. This love is perfectly ours right now if we receive it, and the fundamental truth we all must internalize if we are to be freed from past wounds, both primary and secondary. The more we see, grasp, and internalize (believe) this reality, the freer we become of all secondary wounds.

For a discussion on being an offender as well as offended click here.

For a discussion on how God loves the offender and offended click here.

For a discussion on being a victim vs "playing the victim," click here.

For a discussion on why our kids rebel click here.

For a discussion on how we have God's love perfectly but not yet fully, click here. 

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Footnotes:

¹You even see this within some church circles - mostly within the more charismatic and fundamentalist circles. 

They cite Deut 5:9 as a support text. But in the context, this has more to do with the outward consequences of placing a higher value on something other than God. Our kids will mirror our values (how we live our life vs how we say it should be lived) through several generations. 

This passage isn't specifically addressing internal trauma but destructive external behavior that our kids pick up through our example (often unbeknownst to us). 

²What are the effects or results of our primary wound? There is a subtle but constant undercurrent in our lives of feeling inadequate, insignificant, unimportant, abandoned, rejected, or the like. We believe we no longer matter to the Creator. In short, we no longer feel or believe our Creator cares and loves us, but is only angry and disappointed in us. If we were raised in a loving and stable family, this is less obvious but still exists just the same. If we are raised in a home that emphasized external conformity to certain kinds of behavior, our sense of failure and insignificance might be exaggerated.

Yet He who is the very Source and Cause of life, love, and all things, sent His Son to restore us back to Himself when we were in full-blown rebellion to Him. This clearly indicates otherwise i.e. that we are not insignificant but just the opposite. 

Our sense of abandonment is not because God abandoned us but we abandon Him. 

³What is the effects or results of our secondary wounds? Any event brought about by hurtful interaction with creation - be that at the hand of other image bearers of God or with nature (creation) in general - which causes us to feel insignificant, unimportant, abandoned, rejected… i.e. we don't matter. In short we no longer feel or believe we are loved because of actions by those secondary sources of love who wound us.

⁴Knowing this is a common problem and struggle helps keep us from having a "pity party" (at the center of a victim mindset) and developing a martyr's complex - e.g. we might say to ourselves or others, "You just don't understand! No one has experienced the pain I have..." But they have. In fact, everyone has to some degree, but most importantly, especially Christ Himself. No one has or ever suffered as a true victim as Christ did...and that for our sake.

It also helps create unity among God's children as we work together and encourage each other in addressing this common problem - as well as the solution - of alienation from God and restoration through Christ. This is in fact the primary unifying force within the church universal - which can be greater than our cultural differences if we receive it - and an essential element of the good news of God's offer of full restoration i.e. the "gospel."

⁵Slight only compared to our primary wound of separation from our Creator. A separation from the very source of life, love, and all things. Secondary wounds are very real and some are devastating but still minor in comparison to separation from God and what Christ endured for us.

 ⁶We and the rest of creation have been deeply harmed and crippled and are only a fraction of our original design. It took the eternal Son of God taking on Human form and stepping into this world of pain and suffered - the result of our turning away from our Creator - and letting it kill him, so we might be free one day.

⁷This seems more common among those who are under 45. But even those among us who experience the best circumstances and most stable upbringings experience these things. Something major is still missing - we all long for more because we were created for far more...i.e. the full acceptance, embrace, and union with the very Source of life, love and all things in our state of distrust... Only possible because of Christ's efforts on our behalf.

⁸No doubt, the fracturing of the family unit and the increase in broken homes since the early 60s has contributed to this trend.

Competition… Good or bad?

Is competition helpful or unhelpful? It can be either or both.

Unhelpful competition is rooted completely in performance for the sake of praise and approval of others. In this scenario, my sense of value is tied directly to doing better than the next person. If I do, I feel worth something and if not; I don't. In a word, if I don't win/produce/perform, I am a "loser." I am useless and worthless. My sense of value rises and falls on others' opinions about my performance.

Competition is so much a part of America's psyche and value system (even more so with older generations who didn't get "participation" trophies) that we often are not even aware of it. Just think of how ¹many folks are glued to their TV on the weekends watching a sports event or game of one kind or another. Maybe more than most, Americans love to win and we love a "winner."

Yet, basing our value on beating the competition is the exact opposite of the Gospel. Our true significance or value is based 1st on who we are as image bearers of God and not what we do. Our good standing and approval by God are based on Christ's efforts and performance, not ours. God's acceptance of us has nothing to do with our performance. In fact, our performance, in this instance, is an affront to the work of Christ. It says His efforts were insufficient for God to receive us, so we must "help him out."

And who are we? We are in God's image and if we are in Christ; we are the beloved children of the all-loving, all-powerful, always present, all-wise, and all-glorious Creator, the most valuable person in the universe.

If we are infinitely valued by the infinitely valuable, what does that say about our value? And if God, the infinitely valuable, cherishes us, how much does it matter what others say or think? That would be putting more weight on the opinion of someone who knows and cares nothing about you vs someone who has perfect knowledge about you and knows and cares about you perfectly. If our happiness rises and falls on the approval and praise of others, we should reassess our understanding of God's infinite love for us, i.e. we may not fully "get it" yet.

When is competition helpful?

Should we live productively with excellence? Yes, because God is most valuable -- most high/excellent and most deserving of our best e.g. all heart, soul, mind, and strength. How we conduct ourselves either honors or dishonors God. By living excellently out of a desire to honor him -- because he first honored/loved us -- we put on display God's great worth/honor. We do not compete to gain the praise, love, and approval of others by being "better" than someone else, but because we already are important, valued, loved, and approved by God, stirring in us the desire to honor him in all we say and do.

Competition can be helpful by bringing the best out of us. It pushes us to be the best we can be. It can raise our level of belief/confidence in what image-bearers are capable of. How much more so, those who are driven by the love and praise of God vs the love and praise of men.

We should welcome competition with others who are better than us. If we are secure in the love of Christ, we will.

When someone excels, it demonstrates a higher level of excellence that ²can be achieved in a given activity.  It raises the bar and sets a higher standard, inspiring others and us to do better. It brings the best out of us and gives us an **example and a higher target to aim for.

When we approach competition in this way, it isn't devastating when we lose. -- If it is, this is a clue that our identity and sense of value are too tied to our beating the other person. We may be disappointed we didn't do better, but only because we know we can and didn't. 

How is this different from typical competition? It is not a matter of being better than someone else but of being inspired to be the best "me" we can be.

When competition challenges us to become better, this is good and helpful. We should welcome and even seek this. Seeking to be the best we can be stretches us to use our gifts/skills to their greatest capacity, i.e. becoming the best stewards of what we are entrusted with -- honoring the giver of those skills.

In Chariots of Fire, Eric Liddell had it right when he said: "...to win is to honor Him..."

For more on living with excellence, click here. 

For more on the necessity of great effort, click here. 
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¹Why is watching sports so popular? Not only because we like proving our value by beating the other guy or gal, but we draw our sense of identity from our team being better than the other team. If we don't have the time or are not good enough to play ourselves, we do the next best thing, we cheer for "our team" and feel important when our team wins and feel like a "loser" when they don't. Some folk's identity is so tied up in a sports team that they even get depressed or angry when their team doesn't win. Someone I knew well would go into a deep depression every time their team lost.

²You may have read or recall for years, several attempted to break a sub-4-minute mile. Eventually, Roger Bannister did it. Within weeks, many followed suit, even though attempts to break it before that had been a goal for years. Why? He raised the bar and showed it could be done, helping others to believe they might be able to do it also, inspiring all runners to achieve greater speeds. 

Being a victim or playing one

Being a victim and "playing the victim" is not the same. Being a victim is rooted in the reality of being harmed i.e. you or someone else was really and truly hurt and suffered a loss of some kind - physically, emotionally, materially, reputation wise etc. - at the hands of another i.e. an offender. 

"Playing the victim" however is rooted in self-pity and seeking to garner the pity of others by using the harm-pain the victim has experienced to gain sympathy and even attempt to use it manipulate others. Someone may have been genuinely hurt, but "playing the victim" uses "victimhood" often to ¹exact revenge or seek a benefit (or both) from others in order to self-comfort or self-protect.

Being harmed is real as well as wrong and should be fully acknowledged and recognized for what it is. This is ²necessary to help the victim be freed from the offense, - i.e. to be able to forgive the offender - learn what they can through it - about God's forgiveness or self-forgiveness etc. - and move on with their life. 

Seeking self-pity by playing the victim is simply an attempt to self-love instead of depending on and looking to the God of love who ultimately uses all things - including offenses - for the good of those who love him.

Possibly the most important thing to know about unforgiveness (i.e. refusal or trouble in letting go of offenses) is it may be an indication you do not know your own great offenses against God (and others) and the forgiveness offered to you. 

For more on God's solution to offenses click here.

For a discussion on racism and forgiveness click here.

For a discussion on values, culture and racism click here.

For a personal story of being a victim of discrimination click here.

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¹I would suggest a great deal -- though certainly not all that drives the victim agenda in various forms -- sometimes referred to as "social justice" - e.g. "me too" "black lives matter" "men or whites are evil" feminism, racism, etc - is this very desire to hurt others because we have been hurt. To say it succinctly, playing the victim is usually rooted in revenge due to bitterness over past offenses. 

Though there are real issues (offenses) we must look at in all attempts at justice, we can not see offenses clearly until the underlying emotional hurt is addressed first i.e. forgiven. 

Anger/revenge rarely produces objective or clear thinking, no matter what position one takes on different issues. There is unrighteous anger on all sides of the political spectrum.

Any agenda driven by retaliation or retribution is not driven by love. No matter how offended we have been we are still called to love others... even our enemies. Christ modeled this himself best while hanging on the cross when he said "Father forgive them for they know not what they do" to those who put Him there. 

One remains in pain if a wound goes unaddressed/unhealed. This is why emotions are just under the surface for those in pain and easily triggered and so passionately vented when a new offense occurs - even if no offense actually occurred or was intended. When there is a real offense, often the response is out of proportion to the offense for those with a victim disposition and mentality. This is our first clue there is unresolved anger/bitterness from past offenses. A response-reaction that comes out of pain is never a rational one but almost always excessive and emotional e.g. filled with anger, hate, etc. 

People are often not able to explain why they are so easily triggered out of proportion to the offense because of it's deep roots (that fester up to the surface and are often ready to erupt at the slightest provocation). 

What is the solution? 

Forgiveness that springs forth from our being forgiven by God. This is so basic it is a major part of the Lord's prayer.

11 Give us this day our daily bread, 12 and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13 And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Matthew 6:11-13 (ESV)

²in order to truly and fully forgive and completely be freed we must know the full extent of the harm. To say it another way, if we forgive a small offense when a large one actually occurred, we are not getting to the bottom of the issue and therefore can not be fully freed from it. Forgiveness must be equal to the offense. 

Of course even more fundamental is recognizing the extent of our own offense against God himself and the length to which he went to remedy it... and did,  in and through Christ.  Without a clear understanding of our own offense to God and the full extent of his forgiveness of us, we can never truly and fully forgive others.

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Question...How do you feel about the picture to the right? Some may find it highly offensive. If you do, this actually serves to underscore my point. You may wish to dig inside a little to understand why. If you find yourself "triggered," angry or even feeling rage by this card, it may be a good indication you have unresolved bitterness over past offenses. 

You may be bothered by the picture for another reason. 

It is right to have compassion for those who have been harmed or broken in some way. Christ certainly did. Some may feel this picture mocks this and are bothered for this reason. And that is good. Not that you are offended, but that you care. A significant part of Christ's ministry was to heal those who were damaged - more so from physical than emotional pain, though these are often connected and not entirely separate. The pain people feel is real and deserves being acknowledged for what it is i.e. the fruit of living among broken people, in a broken world, and the harm that comes to us as a result. 

The pain of others should matter to us because it mattered to Christ. It matters to him because he also wrongfully suffered at the hands of others far more than any of us. 

When our pain produces humility we are on the road to healing. If it produces anger, anxiety, depression, etc we may have some work to do yet. 

I personally think the above card is a clever and appropriate analogy of how some use past offenses to "cash in" on their suffering. So would call this "playing the victim card." 

This would be more true of the "leaders" of the "victim movement" themselves, than the actual victims.