Why do kids rebel?

Even with the best and most loving environment (and parents) we could ever possibly ¹grow up with, all of us still are ²in pain. It is inevitable we go through some kind of pain no matter how good life or our parents are. 

Pain occurs both internally and externally. First internally because we are spiritually disconnected from our Creator; the source of life and love.  

Externally because there is meanness, abuse, disease, decay, destruction and death throughout creation and all it's creatures because creation is also not fully in harmony with it's Creator (due to us). 

Since early on in life we don't recognize our true condition - being alienated and separated from the source of life, love and all things - we conclude our pain must be solely (and certainly may be in part) our parents fault. i.e. if our parents - who are our primary care givers - really loved us they would help us be ³free of this ⁴pain (e.g. get or give us whatever we want when we want it) ...or so we assume. We fail to recognize that pain is a state we are all in and not the result of our circumstances and the ⁵lack of our parents desire to relieve us of pain. No one, no matter how close to us they are or how deeply they care, can give us what we were created for - infinite, unfailing love. This can only come from God.

This is why a child often

rebels from their parents and their upbringing. They feel slighted because of their pain - assuming it must primarily, if not solely be their parents ³fault. So they rebel and often want nothing to do with how they were raised.  

Only by God's infinite love extended to us solely by grace can any of us - parent or child - be whole and love well i.e. as we were created to.

For a discussion on what it means to be broken click here.

For a discussion on why we need God and He doesn't need us click here and here.

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¹Even if we receive the best possible instructions and directions (the how to's) for life we still may not receive the best possible love from our parents (which gives kids their why and "want to" i.e. reason for obedience). This is due to their parents not knowing God's love well themselves.

²Only the love of God can fill the void within us all - parents and children alike. However if parents are receiving and experiencing God's love well they will in turn model and extend that love to their kids well and point to (credit) God as their Source i.e. the true reason they love well. In this way they may be able to point there kids to God well enough that they're kids learn to trust in that love and transfer their trust over to God (the Source of their parents love) when they go out on their own. They've come to trust they, in fact, are not actually on their own because they've learned to live under the umbrella of God's love in and through their parents and therefore continue on trusting in that love directly from God when they move out.

Also giving a child a lot of care and attention doesn't necessarily mean you are loving that child well. The parent may be doing this out of their own need for love by seeking to gain through their kids what they themselves should only be getting from God.

³The problem is parents cannot ultimately free us from our pain, only God can. The best thing our parents can do is point us to the God of all comfort.

⁴I'm speaking of emotional pain which can manifest itself in many forms. It is not just necessarily anguish but can also be expressed by boredom or anger and any negative emotion in between. 

⁵And in one sense it is the parent's fault because as parents we are tasked to love our children well and also offered the resources to do so i.e. God Himself in all His infinite love. As parents we can only love well if we receive God's love well.

But in another sense it's not the parents fault at all. A child's pain is ultimately the result of their own disconnect from their Creator not because of their parents.

If our parents are not well connected to God then they could be the means of harm and pain due to their own disconnect with God, resulting in even greater pain for their childs. This would pile pain on top of the pain our kids already experience due to their disconnect with God. 

When it's all said and done the solution to the pain we are all in - parents and children alike - is to reconnect to our Creator. We are all broken and disconnected from the Source of love, life and all things.

This explains how some kids rebel even with loving parents while some kids excel with unloving parents. 

The most fundamental reality about us (parents and kids alike) is as long as we are loved we are well spiritually and emotionally. To the extent we are not, we are not well.