Victim vs offender

Some are more skeptical than others. Why?

Being skeptical, maybe even cynical, suggests a person doesn't trust anyone, possibly due to some ¹past trauma. However that is just one possible explanation.

Distrust of others - including ourselves - can also be due to an awareness of man's brokenness, and not necessarily due to specific personal trauma. 

The reality is we are all traumatized (²broken) because we come into the world disconnected from the Source of life and love - i.e. our Creator - with whom we were designed to be in an unbroken love relationship.  Absent this love, we are all in trauma (though many don't feel it due to being surrounded with so many blessings of life).

Our distrust of others may have more to do with a solid trust in God and what He tells us about humanity's rebellion and not due to mistreatment by someone else. 

This doesn't mean direct personal trauma doesn't exist, it means we look at it from a broader perspective - a bigger backdrop i.e. Personal trauma may not be the main reason we distrust mankind but rather our distrust is due to trust in God's assessment of man's fallen condition i.e. a greater awareness of our own brokenness and agreement with God on the ²brokenness of humanity in general.

How broken are we?

The reality is unless moved by the love of God, mankind is all about taking what they need to maintain a sense of meaning, value, and purpose, apart from or outside of God versus deriving these from Him as the ultimate source of love, life, and all things. A healthy skepticism over our own brokenness and that of others can be an indication of maturity, not trauma.

Overemphasis on trauma actually plays into a victim mindset and may be the fruit of it. 

There is a common narrative being promoted that everybody is a victim of personal trauma. Our problems are always someone else's fault and not due to personal choices we make to try and make life work without God.

While it is true we suffer ³harm at the hand of others - and some far more than others - we also cause harm to others i.e. we are all broken and not merely victims but also perpetrators. We are both victims and "villains" in varying degrees.

To focus on being a victim shifts us away from recognizing how we are an offender as well as offended. It shifts accountability away from us where it belongs, i.e. we can't fix others, we can only let God to fix us. 

We have become so emotionally weak and fragile as a society; we have a hard time handling personal accountability and responsibility. The further we drift away from the source of love and life individually - and as a society - the more fragile we become - or maybe we should say, the more obvious our brokenness becomes.

The reality is we are offenders long before we are offended. How so? Because we do not give God his due recognition as the Creator, Sustainer, and Source of life, love, and all things i.e. we have all offended God (objectively not personally. We need God not the other way around) and live as if He doesn't matter. We all come into this world bent away from God. Christ would not have come otherwise i.e. this is exactly why he came; to restore us to himself.

For a further discussion on "playing" the victim click here

For a further discussion on how we are both offenders and offended click here

For a further discussion of the nature of our rebellion click here

For a further discussion on what drives good behavior click here and here 

For a discussion on how to overcome our brokenness click here 

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¹I do not intend to downplay trauma. For some, it is very significant and needs to be honestly looked at and addressed. What’s hidden from our awareness may potentially be influencing everyday perceptions, beliefs, and relationships. Bringing the hidden into the light of awareness is essential to healing and transformation. 

However, I would add we can not fully acknowledge our trauma until we know we are loved perfectly by our Creator. It is in knowing we are fully loved and accepted by our Creator, that we can be freed of the fear of rejection and able to let healing begin. This can not occur until we fully grasp the love and acceptance we have in Christ. The more we do, the more we are freed from demanding others love us. 

²By "broken" I mean we no longer operate as originally designed but in a very fractured condition. We were designed to partake in the life and love of almighty God Himself.  Because God is the source of these, this must begin with Him. But we reject God as the source and now operate contrary to Him and our design. We don't acknowledge Him as the most significant and vital of all beings and seek to find meaning, fulfillment outside of and apart from Him. We now seek purpose and meaning in anything but him.

We are meant to be full of love and life - i.e. God - and are now absent this - Him. The enormity of that which is missing - i.e. God Himself - determines the enormity of our brokenness. If God is the Source of all things, being absent Him means we are in the worst possible condition because God is the greatest of all. A great hole leaves a great void. This is a huge contrast to our original design. This is our greatest, deepest, and most hidden trauma - to us - above all others. It is the backdrop against which all other trauma occurs and can be properly understood. All other trauma is minuscule in comparison and would be of little consequence if this foundational trauma were remedied i.e. if we were fully restored to God. Offenses can only anchor into our hearts because of this primary trauma.

There is trauma we cause - i.e. experienced within - due to our willful rejection of God as the source of life and all things. And trauma caused by others i.e. from without. The latter occurs only because the former exists i.e. if we are fully restored to the Source of life, love, and all things, what others do or do not do are ultimately - i.e. eternally - of no negative consequence but can only advance us i.e. all things work for our good if we love God.

³However, it is not what we go through and experience that determines the outcome but how we respond to it. We can respond in faith believing we are loved by God in the midst of the struggle or believe we are abandoned by God. If we are in Christ, nothing can ever separate of from God's love.