The absence of God's presence

The absence of God's presence is the essence of hell. ¹Hell is anywhere God's presence is not.

People live in ³rebellion to God every day. How? They do not acknowledge God as the Source of love and life (breath); the Creator and Sustainer of everything! 

Instead, they live as if God is irrelevant; that the blessings of life are their right to have and do with as they please, as if someone owed it to them; i.e., they are entitled to these blessings. And if they don't get what they believe they deserve, they become disillusioned, angry, or bitter. This is the approach to life many ²choose to take and live by daily.

And if they never come to the place where they acknowledge His relevance, value, and significance, they will continue on that same trajectory and path throughout their lives.

As a result, God will honor that choice throughout eternity as well. God doesn't send people to hell. They are already on that path unless and until they choose to put their trust in Him.

If the absence of God's presence is hell, then what is the fullness of God's presence? Bliss, paradise, a continual feast, i.e., heaven.

For a further discussion on why many are disillusioned with God, click here

For a discussion on the key to answered prayer, click here

For a discussion on whether hell is literal, click here. 

For a further discussion on how hell is a continuation of our current path, click here

For a discussion of whether we are rebels to God, click here.

For a discussion on whether God's wrath is reasonable, click here

For a discussion on how death and hell are totally defeated, click here 

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Footnotes:

¹this is not necessarily a specific location - though it may be. But it is a disposition or attitude of rebellious distrust (all distrust of God is rebellion to Him. It is asserting that God is a liar and not who He claims to be as all-loving, wise, powerful, and everywhere present). 

Objectively, God is everywhere present. Nothing functions or even exists without Him. But if we willfully turn away from God, then for us, God does not exist and is not present. God is not dead, but to us He is.

In the story of Lazarus and the rich man, notice the rich man did not regret his rejection of God, nor did he resent God for his being in his present state or desire to turn to Him even in his torment. He only wanted water to relieve his thirst - he only wanted a gift from God - not God Himself.

Is this not also true of humanity in general when we go through great pain? God is not our end, but the means to another end...relief. This is often the reason we pray. We don't want God; we only want comfort through the gifts (blessings) of God.

"...You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions." - Jas 4:2b-3 ESV

Luke 16:23-26, 28, 30-31 ESV

"...and in Hades, being in torment, he (the previously rich man) lifted up his eyes and saw Abraham far off and Lazarus at his side. And he called out, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus to dip the end of his finger in water and cool my tongue, for I am in anguish in this flame.’ But Abraham said, ‘Child, remember that you in your lifetime received your good things, and Lazarus in like manner bad things; but now he is comforted here, and you are in anguish.

And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, in order that those who would pass from here to you may not be able, and none may cross from there to us.’ for I have five brothers—so that he may warn them, lest they also come into this place of torment.’

And he said, ‘No, father Abraham, but if someone goes to them from the dead, they will repent.’ He said to him, ‘If they do not hear Moses and the Prophets, neither will they be convinced if someone should rise from the dead.’”

²this choice is laid out in Rom 1:18-23 (emphasis added).

"For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness (i.e., which springs forth from rebellious distrust of God) suppress the truth. 

For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 

For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. 

For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God (He is irrelevant) or give thanks to him (their choice), but they became futile in their thinking (they thought they could make life work on their terms, not God's terms i.e. they thought they could be their own god, like Adam and Eve) and their foolish hearts were darkened. 

Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images (their choice) resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things." 

³The following passage lays out the nature of our rebellion. These are comments made to Job by Elihu in Job 35:6-16. The fourth and only "friend" of Job whom God did not rebuke, unlike the other 3, suggesting that his comments to Job were on point.

Elihu talking to Job:

"If you have sinned, what do you accomplish against him (God)? And if your transgressions are multiplied (many), what do you do to him? If you are righteous, what do you give to him? Or what does he receive from your hand? (This is also quoted by Paul in Rom 11:35). Your wickedness concerns a man like yourself, and your righteousness a son of man - i.e., your bad or good deeds affect only men, not God.

Because of the multitude of oppressions, people cry out; they call for help because of the arm of the mighty (those stronger than us, who oppress us).

But none says, ‘Where is God my Maker, who gives songs in the night, who teaches us more than the beasts of the earth and makes us wiser than the birds of the heavens?’ - i.e., there is no gratitude to God for all the gifts we receive or trust in God when we go through challenges. We don't want God. We only want relief from our pain by using all the gifts He gives and enjoy daily without giving Him thanks or acknowledging Him as the giver.

There they cry out, but he does not answer, because of the pride of evil men (who believe God is not there or is irrelevant, until we are suffering). Surely God does not hear an empty cry, nor does the Almighty regard it - Why? Because we don't really want God; we only want His blessings - the comfort and relief from pain His blessings bring us.

How much less when you say that you do not see him, that the case is before him, and you are waiting for him! - i.e. we demand He respond the way we think He should when we are in pain - but our complaining does not impress God or cause Him to respond. 

When we approach God this way, we will always be waiting for a response, because He will not respond to our arrogant demands. Only He is God, and best knows what we need, not us. Humility is more important then relief.

And now, because his anger does not punish, and he does not take much note of transgression - i.e., because God has not dropped the hammer on Job for his complaining and demands - Job opens his mouth in empty talk; he multiplies words without knowledge.”

To Job's credit, at the end he responded correctly...

Job 42:1-6

Then Job answered the Lord and said: 

“I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.  ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. ‘Hear, and I will speak; I will question you, and you make it known to me.’ I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes - (I change my view of you and my attitude towards you).”

Advancing in pain

The age-old question is if God is good, why is there so much pain. 

But maybe that's the wrong question and the answer is not what we usually think. Maybe God allows pain to remain to humble us and help us see our need for Him, with the long-term goal of our spiritual advancement and ultimate gain. 

Christ said, "...What does it profit us if we gain the whole world but lose our own soul?"

Isn't the opposite also true? What if we lose the whole world and gain our eternal soul? Is this not far more valuable than having the things of this world? How we answer these questions may determine our ultimate destiny and therefore well worth asking.

While pain is ultimately the fruit of our rebellious distrust of God, He still uses it for our good. If God could not bring good out of evil, evil would not exist. Christ's death would be the ultimate example of this profound paradox. 

Acts 2:23 "this Jesus, delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, you crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men."

What a mystery that God used lawlessness to bring to us the greatest gift of eternal restoration to the Father who is the Source of life! 

Therefore, we must not allow suffering to discourage or shame us, or ¹cause us to fall into self-pity e.g. "You're a loser! Why keep trying? Just quit!..." etc. 

But we must embrace pain and embrace God and His love for us in our pain and failures for our advancement to occur (God is for us, not against us. Nothing separates us from God's love...Rom 8:31-39). 

"...Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in ²hope of the glory of God. 

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 

and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us..." - Romans 5:2-5 ESV 

As long as we look at loss, failure, or mistakes as losing and not stepping stones to advancing, we will not embrace them with thanks, learn from them, and let them develop our maturity and advance our walk with God. When we recognize our losses, failures, and mistakes are vital to our spiritual advancement, we embrace them with gratitude and experience God's grace, mercy, and love in them. 

Having our identity and value rooted in God as the bedrock of our existence - and the very Source of love itself - frees us from seeing failure or loss as losing. The whole mindset of the Bible is that ³failure is a necessary stepping stone to progress and maturity. 

"When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives my brothers, don’t resent them as intruders, but welcome them as friends! Realise that they come to test your faith and to produce in you the quality of endurance. But let the process go on until that endurance is fully developed, and you will find you have become men of mature character with the right sort of independence..." - Jas 1: 2-8. J B Phillips translation. 

This is foundational to understanding and embracing pain with thanks instead of becoming disillusioned, angry, or bitter over suffering and seeking to manipulate our circumstances to avoid it. 

The importance of humility

Another vital key to the value of loss or failure is humility. To understand we will never reach the maximum potential we were created for without God (which failure or loss helps us to see) causes us to look to Him in greater dependence. Greater dependence on God as the Source of life, love, and all things is the essence of humility. Only through humility can we reach the potential God intends and designs us for.

Christ himself, who deserved far better, did no less... i.e. he experienced the greatest suffering and humility. And that for our benefit as well as His Father's glory.

"...Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. - Philippians 2:5-11 ESV

How do we discover God's love in our pain? click here

For a further discussion on the primary role of pain click here

For a further discussion of how God uses evil for our good click here...and here.

The greater the evil the greater the opportunity for healing/

grace click here.

For a discussion on the key lesson from the book of Job, click here.

For a discussion on the value of paradox, click here.

For a discussion on the necessity of humility, click here

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Footnotes:

¹nor let pain embitter us. At the root of anger is the belief that we know what is best for us - and/or the world - better than God. Yet we are finite, not all-knowing or all-powerful. Only God is infinite in these things. 

And not only so, but he is also all-loving. He not only knows what's best (all-knowing) and does what's best (all-powerful) but wants it for us also (all-loving).

But many object and say, "How can God be all-loving and continue to allow all this pain in the world? What proof do we have that He is all-loving?" 

Glad you asked! He became a man just like us and fully embraced our pain so that we might ultimately be free of it forever.

² "...we rejoice in hope of the glory of God..." What a curious expression. What is it about the glory of God that gives us hope. To explore this further click here.

³This is contingent on our seeing failure as a means by which God can ultimately advance us. If we do not, it will embitter us.

Love and/or consequences

As God's children, we are no longer ³condemned by God for our ¹poor choices. Legally there is no ³condemnation for those who are in Christ.  

But neither are we ⁴protected practically from the short-term consequences of those choices and the actions that follow. 

The creation - which includes us as bearers of God's image - operates best according to God's design (law). To violate that design results in things not operating properly or fully.

When the legal consequences of our rebellious distrust are removed, it changes us. We are now "seated in the heavenlies" in Christ. Grasping this new reality of our status with God creates within us gratitude and love for Jesus, who removed the kegak consequences. 

There is a difference between a supernaturally changed heart and a morally restrained one. Love changes us. The law restrains us. Love changes us from within. The law restrains us from without. Both are necessary in making good choices. 

God's law is good and necessary because it lays out and defines how things are designed to operate. To ignore it results in harm to us and others.

These two realities - ⁷love and law - are the positive and negative guardrails that are intended to help drive or guide all true believers' words and actions. 

Love motivates believers to make the right choices (which leads to right actions). 

Fear (respect) of negative consequences motivates us to avoid the wrong ones. 

As God's children, we have no fear of rejection by God, but should still recognize and fear that living contrary to His design always has practical - vs legal - negative consequences. 

As image bearers of God, all our choices matter because we are created to love and honor God. To live contrary to this design results in harm and destruction to ourselves and others. Consequences aren't a direct judgment of God but the organic result of violating God's design.

As God's children our choices do not matter as far as being perfectly loved and accepted by God. In Christ we are always infinitely and perfectly loved and fully accepted and embraced. 

But as the bearers of God's image our choices still must align with how God designed us and the world around us to operate.

These two realities - love and law - appear to be at ⁶odds with each other. But being fully loved and ²experiencing consequences for poor choices are each as true as if the other does not exist. But because of Christ these ⁵exist and work together. Both for our ultimate gain and benefit. 

For a further discussion on the "anatomy" of motivation, click here. 

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Footnotes:

¹By poor choices I simply mean disobedience. Disobedience is the resulting outcome (actions) of our rebellious distrust of God. (This always result in harm to ourselves and others). And distrust is at the heart of our choosing to be our own god. Our desire to be like god - in a way we are not designed to be - was the temptation our original parents bought into that brought pain and death into the world. 

We still operate this way to this day, perpetuating that pain. The present pain, suffering and death we see in the world now reminds us that our choices still matter.

²God may mercifully suspend the the full consequences of poor choices when we sincerely acknowledge them - i.e. "repent." But there is no guarantee. This would be a supernatural intervention and interference of their natural (organic) outcome. Without His mercy (intervention) the consequences will remain, hence His intervention is merciful.

Plus only God knows the sincerity of our heart (and what best aids our maturing) and when we truly abandon (turn away or repent of) a poor choice or only pretend to in order to get some kind of relief or benefit. 

God's objective is our drawing nearer to Him, which is a matter of the heart first. This results in a change in behavior.

³Why are we no longer legally held accountable and condemned for our words and actions contrary to our design and God's will? Because Christ was condemned in our place. The very fact that someone (Christ) was condemned means God's law (will, design) matters. It is vital that these are adhered to. There are always consequence for violating it (them). Because of Christ stepping in for us and taking the condemnation we rightly deserve,  the long term legal consequences no longer fall on us but fell on Him. Instead of the judgment and death rightly due us we are given forgiveness and life. These were earned for us not by us.

For those who ask why there is still pain and suffering in the world after Christ bore the legal consequence of mankinds rebellion, it is because our choices that spring forth from our rebellious distrust of God matter. 

⁴there are also benefits (positive "consequences") for operating according to God's design. Whatever we sow - both good and bad - we also reap. This is why non believers can flourish circumstantially by operating according to God's law. 

Nowhere does the Bible indicate the law is bad, but the opposite. It is seeking to justify ourselves through obedience to God's law that is wrong, not the law itself. 

⁵"Steadfast love and faithfulness meet; righteousness and peace kiss each other." - Psa 85:10 

⁶Our natural inclination is to try to earn God's love. This is why those who claim to be believers have a hard time acknowledging how they come up short. In their minds this means our rejection by God. In order to be fully honest about our rebellious condition we must see God's perfect acceptance and embrace of us because of Christ.

To believe this it is possible to earn God's love does not recognize we can never be perfect enough to earn it. This is why Christ came.

⁷giving us the law is actually an indication and expression of love. What we value most we desire is well cared for. Because everything operates best by design, giving direction on how something (someone) functions best is because we value i.e. love it (or them). Law is not our problem. Using it in an attempt to justify ourselves is our problem. It is a misuse of the law. 

AI edit...

The gift of the law reflects love, as we seek to care for what we cherish most. When we value something—or someone—we provide guidance to help it thrive according to its design. The law itself isn’t the issue; the problem arises when we use it to justify ourselves. This is misuse of the law. 

Combined...

The gift of the law is actually an indication and expression of love. We seek to care for what we cherish. Because everything operates best by design, giving direction on how something (someone) functions best is because we value it i.e. love it (or them). Law is not our problem. Using it in an attempt to justify ourselves is our problem. It is a misuse of the law. 

Which is it... sinners or like God?!

God's love for ⁴us is without conditions. FULL STOP! i.e. to be fully accepted and embraced by God requires nothing from us. God's love for us is based on someone else meeting the requirements, ¹not us. Accepting the offer that Jesus made is the only thing required of us. 

However, that doesn't mean there is not a good reason for His infinite love for us. There is a major reason. He values and therefore loves us because we are like him - in His image. 

This has nothing to do with what we do but with who we are, who God made us to be. It is not our trying to make ourselves more acceptable and lovable to Him or others.

This is why He loved us before we lifted one finger for Him. In fact, even while we were still in our state of rebellious distrust of Him.

"...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us..." - Romans 5:8

"...But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—..." -  Ephesians 2:4-5 

Have you ever scratched your head, wondering why he would value and love us while we were still in a state of rebellious distrust toward Him (i.e. "sin")? It is because our rebellion did not cancel out or erase our being like God, it only marred and suppressed it - though severely. 

This resulted in our spiritual sight and sense going completely dormant (until His Spirit opens our eyes). We are now "unplugged" from God (the source of all things), broken, and blind to seeing His infinite worth, beauty, and love. As a result, we ascribe the worst possible intent by God on why we struggle or experience loss and pain. The Bible describes this as being spiritually blind and dead to God. 

But our capacity for love, light, and life didn't go away and is still fully intact - we are still like God - even when we don't trust Him i.e. we still are designed to love and be loved, and we long for this. We are hard-wired for love, if you will, because God is love and we are like Him, created to be in a community of love with Him. 

God values and loves our being like Him because we still have the capacity to fully partake of the community of love that God is as Father and Son in, by, and through the Spirit. 

This capacity for infinite love never went away after we turned away from Him in the garden; it only ceased to function properly i.e. it went dormant if you will. In our broken and spiritually blind condition, we now long for the wrong things - instead of the only true thing that can fill our longing for love - because we are blind to the true Source of love and life - i.e. our Creator.

A recap and summary 

Our being in God's image is vital to how God sees us and who we are. This means there is a good reason for Him to love us i.e. because of who we are, not what we do. 

We are not just rebellious - aka "dirty rotten sinners." This is true but only half the story - and the far lesser half - once we accept his offer. The more important half is we are also still like God with an infinite capacity to fully engage, delight in, and commune with the Infinite God and experience His infinite love, glory, and joy!!!

Being like God has nothing to do with what we do for others (God and other bearers of His image) - when it comes to establishing a good standing with Him - but has to do with something about us - i.e. who we are, not what we do. 

God's love has nothing to do with something that comes from us or is offered by us - i.e. something we do in an attempt to earn His love or appease His disapproval. 

Our only requirement is to recognize that Christ did everything necessary to fully restore us to His Father and accept this as a free gift (the essence of the gospel - good news - of grace). 

Do you receive this? If you only know this in your head but haven't fully believed it, you only need to recognize He did everything necessary to restore you so He can pour out His love on you. A love He already has for you that you are blocking by not believing this good news. Because nothing you can do will restore you to God...nothing - not your abilities or good deeds!!! 

Accept His offer of complete restoration. If you are sincere in accepting and receiving His offer of perfect love, He will legally and immediately restore you now, and ²completely upon His return.

"The Spirit and the Bride say, 'Come.' And let the one who hears say, 'Come.' And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who desires take the water of life without price (you can't buy it or earn His acceptance of you)." - Revelation 22:17 

For God to have a relationship with us in the same way the Father and the Son have with each other, we had to be like him in one essential way i.e., we had to be able to receive and return love to God like God does between and among the Father and Son, in, by, and through the Spirit - i.e., God IS love. Love is the central and essential core of who God is!!! We are like Him i.e., we are hard-wired for this same love. 

But love for God first, not just between each other. Our love for others must flow out of our love for God. This is why the greatest commandment is to love God first, then our neighbors. 

Does God need anything from us? No! He has Himself i.e., He is complete within Himself.

But when we say he loves us without conditions, that is not to say he doesn't have longings and desires for us and from us. He yearns to commune with us. Why? Because we are like God and God is love. He longs for us to experience the fullness of who He is so, like Him, we too experience it.

He is the source of love, life, and all things and knows our greatest meaning, purpose, and joy is found only in Him!! His calling us to love Him above everything else is because He knows He is our best and desires our best i.e. God is love.

James 4:5 says:

"Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, 'He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us' ”?

Nevertheless, His love for us is without conditions i.e. no deeds are required from us in order for His love to be set on us.

This is possible only because Christ fulfilled all the conditions ³required and necessary for him to remove the barrier between us and love us freely and fully. Even to the point that the Father loves us in the very same way He loves His only eternally begotten Son. Jn 17:23.

"I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me."

So does our love and pursuit of God matter since it's not required?

While there should never be ⁴expectations or conditions put on us for the gifts freely given to ⁵us or on others for the gifts we gladly give them, it is legitimate to enjoy and eagerly anticipate the appreciation from others for those gifts.

When gratitude is shown for the gifts we graciously receive, it delights the giver because they know their gift (and love) is not just accepted but also enjoyed and appreciated.

This reminds us of the 10 lepers that Christ healed and only one returned and showed gratitude. As a result, Christ engaged him further because he demonstrated by returning to Christ that he appreciated what Christ did. Lk 17:12-19.

To hope for and enjoy someone else's appreciation for what we give them is different than ⁵demanding their gratitude.

This also happens to be how God loves us and enjoys a relationship with us. God doesn't ⁶demand our obedience in exchange for His love. He delights in it. We are this way because God is this way. We are in his image.

In order for him to have this kind of love relationship with us we had to be like him as much possible without actually being him.

For a further discussion on why God loves rebels but not rebellion click here 

Are we rebels against God? Click here 

For a further discussion on the solution to our rebellion click here. 

For a further discussion on why God delights in our love click here.

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¹Who met them? Christ!!! For only He could, not us!

²The claims of Christ and His return!! and Knowing God but not fully yet.

³this is necessary because we fail to. No one fulfills the greatest commandment to love God with everything we are and have. Do you? I certainly don't!

⁴Expectations and conditions come from those who need love. God wants our love but doesn't need it. He is love as a community of love among the Father, Son, and Spirit. And when we are filled with His love we are the same way i.e. we don't need the love of others because we already have the perfect love of God.

⁵Who is "us." Is it humanity in general or us who have trusted Christ? It is both. God values all his image bearers by virtue of them being like him. But only those who accept his offer of restoration actually participate in and experience that love as we are designed to.

⁶We demand things from others only because we believe we must have them in order to be loved. God doesn't because He is already a community of love between the Father and Son in, by, and through the Spirit. He doesn't need us in order to be complete (whole) and therefore does not need to demand our obedience. 

However because He is love he delights in our entering into and participating in his love. He seeks - "requires" - us to love him because he knows that is where we are most complete and find greatest joy.

loving and valuing...the same?

In considering the definition of love, I found the word value helpful. But I have also found myself wondering how ¹value is similar and different from love. 

Is there a difference? If so, what is it? Let's dive in.

Objective vs personal value

Something can be objectively valuable without our personally valuing it or even being aware of its value.

To say it another way, something can be infinitely valuable (objectively) without being valuable to us personally (subjectively).

God would be a classic example. He is infinitely valuable (without Him nothing would be) though He is ²not personally valued by most - at least not to the extent of His true value. I would even suggest that only Christ fully grasps and appreciates the value of the Father. 

For something to have actual value means there is something objectively and innately valuable, important, or significant about a person or thing first, regardless of whether we personally value them (it) or not. 

How are subjective value and love connected?

To personally value something is to also have affection for it i.e. to feel love for something. Loving affection involves experiencing emotional delight in that thing or person we value. Loving affection is an indication we have personal regard ³for the value of someone or something. It is both subjective as well as objective. 

Valuing something more than its worth

On the other hand, to value someone or something does not necessarily make them or it valuable objectively, only subjectively. This involves personal affection toward what is considered valuable by the beholder, even when it may not be valuable objectively, i.e., it is not actually or objectively as valuable to others as we think or feel. 

For example, we can meet someone charming who we feel could be important to us, who turns out to be nothing like they presented themselves to be. The reality of who they are doesn't match the appeal of who we thought they were or who they presented themselves to be.  

Valuing things vs persons

A classic example of a thing (vs a person) not being as valuable as we thought would be a product that doesn't equal or live up to the promise or "sales pitch" e.g. a job, a certain level of wealth, a potential partner, a particular car, a bigger house, even something simple like a purse or a pair of shoes etc. As we learn and experience more about these things, the actual value doesn't match the hope - or hype. As a result, we often despise the very things we sought so diligently when they do not deliver what we sought them for. 

It is pretty common for all of us to place a higher value on someone or something more than it's actually worth. 

Overvaluing is not the same as something having no value at all

Overvaluing something doesn't mean there is no value. Certain things may give you some happiness initially, but not to the extent you hoped, thought, or were told. They may be good things, but not the best thing, and not to the extent we thought.

One reason this difference is significant is that we may have a greater affection or love for something beyond what it deserves. We can love something to the point of worshiping it (and often do) when in reality it will never deliver long-term what we want, need, or believe it will. 

Not fully experiencing something's true value

We can also appreciate the beauty and value of something objectively without ever personally participating in its full value e.g. we can see and smell an exquisite meal -- which is participation on a limited level.  And observe others eating and enjoying it, but we will not fully experience or benefit from it until we eat it ourselves. It is no less valuable because we don't eat it; it is just not fully valuable to us experientially or personally i.e. subjectively. 

We can observe the beauty or strength of another, yet never personally experience these qualities through direct participation. A fiancé can admire the physical beauty of his soon-to-be bride (or the strength and protection of her soon-to-be husband) but not fully partake of and experience that beauty (or strength) until they are married.

Value is ⁴foundational and a fundamental part of loving. It must exist first. But having loving affection for someone is personal in nature, whereas someone or something having value is an objective fact. 

Valuing from afar vs the nearness of love 

Valuing has more to do with our recognition of something's value from afar. Love/affection has more to do with intimacy (closeness) and personal enjoyment of that which is valuable.

Also, when we value something, it is usually more utilitarian or functional than affectionate.  

The most valuable of all

God is the Creator and Sustainer of all things, thereby making Him the most significant and valuable being in the universe. Without Him, nothing exists, including you and I. 

Yet many do not recognize this or have any affection toward Him i.e. God is valuable (objectively) even when He is not ⁵personally (subjectively) valued.  

A skewed view of God

Some even despise God for various reasons, despite His infinite worth. Usually, this is because He didn't come through for them in the way they thought he should. For these people, even though God is objectively valuable, he is not personally (subjectively) attractive.  

The problem however isn't with God but our view that He is some kind of celestial butler who should cater to our every whim. But this would not be God at all. God is all-knowing, loving, and able to do what He knows is best, not what we may think is best. 

By definition, God is controlled by no one. He is guided by His perfect understanding, not our limited understanding. He is the reason He does what He does in the way He does it. Because only He is all wise, loving, and powerful. We are not - though we often think and act as if we are. We are often pretty foolish (fooled).

God values us?

God not only values us as His image bearers but also enjoys our interaction with him. He is delighted when we are delighted in Him. He is happy when we are happy in Him. He finds pleasure in our experiencing pleasure in and from our relationship, fellowship, and communion with Him. In short, He not only values us, He also loves us. Or if you wish you could say He not only loves us but values us. 

God values all his image-bearers by virtue of them being like Him, but he does not have a personal relationship with or affection for all of them. That relationship with the accompanying affections is experienced by those who recognize Him as the Source of love, life, and all things. Those he has personal affection for, He pursues and draws to himself. 

If this article tugs at your heart in any way, He is pursuing you. If it doesn't, pray He has mercy on you and stirs your heart to seek Him. No one comes to Christ unless the Father draws them. Jn 6:44

For a discussion on why God delights in our delight, click here.

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¹by value I simply mean something of importance, e.g. When we say someone has strong values, we mean certain things are very important to them, such as family. When we say someone has strong family values, we mean they place high importance on their family over other persons or things. 

²The only reason God is not personally valued, i.e. loved by most, is because they do not recognize and acknowledge all they are and have is from Him. By definition, this is part of what makes Him God i.e. He is the Creator and Sustainer of all things.

And this is usually because of all the pain and suffering they experience and see others experience. They assume if God existed, he would address all the pain and suffering (which He has, only not on their terms but on His - which are the best terms, because only He knows what is best since He knows and sees all things). We question and doubt God's love and goodness because we don't understand the cause and purpose behind pain. For a further discussion on this click here.

³something cannot be truly loved or worth loving until it is first valuable (objectively) and then valued (subjectively).

⁴The opposite is true for the same reason. Someone who has personal regard for us also has affection for us. 

This, however, doesn't mean someone has to have affection for us to treat us in a loving manner. They can treat us well simply because they recognize our value, i.e. that we are worth being treated well by virtue of being in God's image - i.e. like God. And because God has called us to treat others as we wish to be treated, we desire to honor his wishes. 

⁵How many people regularly and consistently show God gratitude for all they are and have? Do you do this yourself? 

Here's a clue. None of us does. That's why someone else (Christ) had to do this for us and actually did it. If you believe this, He will credit this to you as if you did it.   

The essence of relationships

What is the essence of relationships?

All relationships consist of giving and receiving love (value).

However, different types of relationships occur in a variety of ways between various parties.

What makes them unique is the form or manner in which love and value are expressed or exchanged, i.e., what kind of relationship it is and who the persons with whom love and value are shared. 

Is it between God our Creator and His image bearers (you and I), husband and wife, parent and child, siblings, friends, extended family, business partners or associates, fellow believers, unbelievers etc.?

Each kind of ¹relationship has unique characteristics that the others do not have - i.e., a unique way of showing love and value - while also the same, in that they all share love and value in some form with the other person or object of our love. 

For example, physical intimacy between a husband and wife is unique to that relationship. Love expressed in this way is only legitimately expressed between them and not others or other kinds of relationships.

Physical intimacy makes the marriage union the ²most complete human relationship. Marriage embodies the expression of giving and receiving love in all forms - friendship, companionship, partnership, and physical intimacy - within a single relationship.

Each kind of relationship is valuable and designed by God to reveal something about Him (and us) that the other types of relationships don't. The nature and vastness of God are too great to be fully displayed by any one kind of relationship alone.

How does God fit into all this? 

God himself is relationship as Father and Son in, by, and through the Spirit, and the basis for all relationships. All relationships reflect something of who He is and what He is like.

Therefore, we find the most joy in relationships with persons other than God when we understand and recognize that ultimately they are all gifts from God designed to reveal something about who He is and what He's like, not only to us but to each other. This adds to and aids our understanding of God and helps us appreciate Him more. This also adds greater fullness and meaning to all ³secondary relationships outside of Him, i.e., they are expressions of His love for us.

The highest form of love (and therefore relationship) is God's love. Why? It is the only love that does not require love to be given in return. It is a kind of love that flows out of the fullness of who God is, not out of something needed or missing within God. It is unique and the highest kind of love. It is giving, never taking.

Because God ⁴is love, relationship for God is the "natural" - i.e. organic - outcome of who He is; a being of relationship between the Father and Son, in, by, and through the Spirit. 

This triune relationship has always been from all eternity past. There has never been a time when God was not in a relationship of giving and receiving love. 

God never requires our love ⁵in order to give us His. His love is overflowing and sacrificial, i.e., always giving, never taking. And this is because He doesn't need our love, therefore neither requires it - at least not for His sake. 

One of the most well-known passages in scripture says, "God so loved the world he gave... " What (who) He gave is not something trivial. He gave the most valuable and significant "thing" He could give - the eternal Son of his infinite affection. 

God's love only and always gives and never takes. Not because God doesn't want or enjoy our love in return, He simply doesn't need it (though it is always welcomed and delightfully received when given by us).

Though we occasionally show sacrificial love ourselves - often in "fits and starts" - God always operates this way. He always operates out of fullness, never out of need. He is always overflowing in love and always has from all eternity past between the Father and Son in and through the Spirit, long before we ever came into the picture.

" ...For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor so that you by his poverty might become rich." - 2 Cor 8:9

" ...because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in our trespasses. It is by grace you have been saved!" - Eph 1:4-5

"...God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. - Rom 5:8‭-‬10

For related discussions, the following links are offered:

Man...saint or sinner

Man's dilemma

God is relationship

AND

God is nonstop love beauty and glory

Is the wrath of God unfair? Click here.

Why are relationships important? Click here

The giving and receiving of glory/love click here.

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Footnotes:

¹Relationships are so much a necessary part of who we are that adults who choose to remain single will often have pets to be in a relationship with another being - even if only on a simple and limited level with a pet. While pets are wonderful gifts from God and provide a kind of companionship, they come nowhere near the level of a God-centered, vibrant, and healthy human relationship.

²Because of this form of love, marriage is the only relationship that produces offspring i.e. another bearer of God's image. This makes marriage the highest form of relationship - closest to the union of Father, Son, and Spirit - and why the fruit of its union - children - is sacred.

³The best marriage or best relationship between a child and parent or siblings is one that is exercised by the love and forgiveness of God.

⁴Love is central to or the core of God's being.

⁵The Father accepts and totally embraces Christ's love on our behalf i.e. as if it were our own love. 

God also poured out the consequences of our rejection of Him and His love onto Christ, as if Christ rejected the Father. 

All this is offered and given as a gift when we place our trust in Christ and what He did on our behalf. 

The only question is, do you believe and receive what Christ did for you? You will never experience the transforming benefit He offers to you otherwise.

Seeing God's love in our pain

"that I may know him (Christ) and the fellowship of his suffering's…" - Phil 3:10

What is the "fellowship" of Christ's sufferings that Paul desires to take part in - and we, by his example, are also invited to partake in? 

Whatever it is, we must participate in (experience) the "fellowship of his sufferings" if we are to have a deeper understanding of Christ, i.e., who he is, what he did, and why he did it. This is directly connected to knowing him better, as indicated by the above opening comment "...that I may know him..."

What about our suffering? How does it help us to see and know Christ better? 

Stated simply, if we are to know and appreciate Christ more fully and the depth of His love, we must see and enter into Christ's suffering through our own, i.e. we share in (fellowship with) His pain through ours. The more we suffer the greater opportunity we have to understand and appreciate the suffering Christ went through for us.

But how are our pain and experiencing Christ's love connected?

Our pain helps us to more fully understand, appreciate, and sympathize with Christ's pain. The greater our pain, the greater our potential understanding of Christ's, i.e. we can relate to Christ's pain better because of our own. 

Whenever we are in pain, we should reflect on Christ's ³struggles and all the spiritual, emotional, and physical pain he went through for us. Our pain should remind us of His (this is also why we are called to remember Him in communion. It is a reminder of the pain Christ went through for us). The more pain we experience the more deeply we can "enter into" and partake of His - if we choose to and let it.

The more we see and enter into His pain through our own, the more we can also see the depth of his love that moved Christ to suffer on our behalf. 

Seeing the depths of his love in turn causes us to love him more.  

If you wish to love him more, be grateful for your pain (instead of complaining about it), if only because of how it can reveal to you Christ and the immense depth of His love for you more fully. How? By His embracing the pain you and I deserved - that He did not deserve - so we might see and experience His immense love even more.

To expand this further, the more we see His pain, (ultimately caused by us choosing to be our own "god" - when we are not) the more fully and deeply we see the ¹greatness of His love that moved Him to embrace our pain (and the consequences of the pain we cause others) so He might free us from condemnation rightfully due us for the harm/pain we cause others. 

Grasping the depth of Christ's pain rarely happens without us first going through our own pain. The greater ²our pain, the more fully - and the greater the opportunity for us to appreciate ²His i.e. we are better able to understand and "fellowship" with Him in His sufferings through our own suffering, and thereby also more fully enter His love. 

Pain is a two-way street for both Christ and us

We are also reminded that because of his pain, he understands and appreciates ours better as well. He can better fellowship with us in our pain because of His own i.e., we are united with Christ in and through our mutual suffering. 

Amazingly, Christ chose to identify with us in this way! We will have this in common with Him throughout eternity and will be reminded of this - of His immense love for us - every time we look upon Him and behold the scars He carries and experienced for us.

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." Heb 4:15-16

Pain can help produce two overriding positive outcomes if we let it. 

1. It can humble us by revealing the depths of our need and inability to cope with the pain alone, i.e., without God.

2. It can cause us to more fully appreciate the sufferings of Christ and the greatness of his love that moved him to suffer on our behalf.

These are two vital reasons we should never shrink back from pain and suffering, but instead be thankful for it. In doing so, this enables us to more fully see and take part in his great love.

If you want to know your level of trust in Christ and the strength of your love for Him, ask yourself how much pain are you willing to go through for His sake? 

This is a question Christ asked of himself while suffering for us, and he answered with a resounding "whatever it takes." His willingly going to the cross for you and me was the result of His saying yes to pain. 

How much pain am I willing to go through for His sake?... is a question we may wish to ask ourselves. One I ask myself often.     

Christ asked that question and answered by giving up his life, and allowing this to disrupt His eternal union with the Father. 

"“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you.."

"By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers."

For a further discussion of how God uses evil for our good click here...and here. 

The greater the evil, the greater the opportunity for healing/ grace click here.

For a discussion on the key lesson from the book of Job click here.

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¹When people question the goodness and love of God because of all the pain in the world (including their own) they miss the bigger picture and cannot see that Christ took on the pain of the world and let it kill him so he might ultimately free the world and us from it. Pain is not the final word regarding evil. Life in the resurrected Christ is!

 

The big question isn't why there is suffering and why God allows good people to suffer, but why God allowed Christ - the best and only perfect person - to suffer. 

And maybe a more important question... what is the Father saying to us and about us by allowing it? Hint...He loves us that much.

Until we answer these questions, we can never fully understand, accept, and willingly (gratefully) embrace our own pain and the world's pain. 

We are so jaded towards God that we forget that God so loved the world that he gave. The greatness of love is measured by the greatness of the gift and the sacrifice one is willing to make to give it, i.e. the more the gift costs, the greater the evidence of the giver's love.

And what did God give? His very own Son (think of Abraham being asked and willing to sacrifice his son Isaac). The Son of his infinite and eternal affections. 

Christ's death was not barbaric; it was an expression of extreme love and a willingness to take on our suffering so we might be forever free from it... But only if we will accept His offer.

If we do not, there is no other solution!

The whole notion that the infinite and all-powerful Creator and Sustainer of everything would take on human form and even consider going through undeserved pain for our benefit is mind-boggling when we stop and reflect deeply on this. 

After reading this, I encourage you to do just that. Think deeply about these things often. Ask God to give you a fuller vision and understanding of His love for you through His and your pain. Let them seep deeply into your very being and transform you and your love for God. 

The Father and Son fully understand pain because they fully embraced and experienced it themselves. The Father embraced the pain of giving up the Son of His eternal affections, and the Son embraced His greatest pain by allowing it to separate him from the eternal affection of His Father for a time. This "severing" of their relationship was a far greater pain than any physical suffering.

The only reason that people continue in pain after this life is that they refuse to see and receive God's remedy, which is Christ and all He suffered (willingly) at the hands of ungrateful and wicked men for our sake.

"For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt." - Hebrews 6:4-6 ESV

²Particularly for condemnation, persecution, and rejection.

³Has someone closest to you ever betrayed you? Have you ever had anyone twist your words, misrepresent you, speak ill of you, or not come through on their commitments or promises to you? Have you ever been unappreciated for sacrificial service to others? Have you ever had anybody forsake you in your greatest hour of need? Christ experienced these and far more, with one big difference. He never complained and did nothing to deserve it. And He did all this for us so we wouldn't have to. And to also honor His Father.