Why are relationships important?

Why do we seek out relationships? The short answer...we are designed for relationship. We like to give and receive love, praise, applause, appreciation, etc. We all wish to be wanted, valued and cherished; in a word, loved. But other people can only give us part of what we long for.

Why only part? Because we are designed for infinite love that is ¹uninterrupted and everlasting with no strings attached. Anything less will not do or give us what we long for most. Finite beings - i.e. fellow humans/image-bearers - can not offer infinite love in and of themselves. Only the infinite Source/Creator can. 

Why? Love carries the greatness weight and is most significant if the one who loves us is significant, important, beautiful, powerful, etc. The more significant and important, the more weight and impact their love has, and the more it touches what we most need (and were created for), and the greater we desire it. We were designed for ²this love first and foremost.

Humans are far more significant and valuable than ³things or ⁴animals because we are ⁵like God in a way these other things are not. 

⁵God is most significant-valuable of all. To have his love is the greatest and best because He is the greatest and best. His importance, love, beauty, and power are without end or limit, beyond what any others could ever offer us or we them. 

Yet we opt for love that has limits; love that will eventually cease and not continue forever. Why?

God is the least controlled. In fact, we can't control him at all. So we opt for a lesser source of love hoping to control it-them. In short we don't trust God. Having someone or something we can control is better - we think - than having someone we can't, even though He loves us perfectly. 

We prefer being our own god to partaking in what we truly need most. This only reveals how stubborn and ⁶untrusting of God we truly are. 

Instead of trusting the only source of infinite love, we trust ourselves and those we think we can gain (extract) the most from. The irony is we can never obtain by and for ourselves what we truly need even if we had complete control over them (which, BTW, we never do). Why? We, and everyone else, are finite, yet our need is infinite; because we were created for the Infinite.

We participate in this "dance" with others in hopes of winning their love, acceptance, and approval. But this is conditional love. This is love we must earn and love that continues ⁷only if we can ensure it continues. This is about love we gain for ourselves by managing (i.e. manipulating) others to give it to us. This is exhausting and never works long-term; not in this life, and especially not in eternity.

It also goes contrary to who God intends us to be. Any time we engage in a relationship to gain love and be stroked emotionally, we are not operating out of love i.e. We are not operating from or out of God's love, or loving God in return, and thereby empowered to love our neighbor.

Relationships are important, but without our being connected to the Source of relationship, love and all things, we can never be whole-complete as God intended and created us to be.

For a discussion on the fountain and foundation of relationship, click here. 

For a further discussion on why we long for relationship click here. 

For a further discussion on the love, life, Spirit and essence of God click here

For a discussion on unhealthy relationships, click here. 

For a discussion on the consequences of disconnecting from God click here
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¹And we won't fully experience even this love until eternity when we are face to face with the very Source of love Himself. 

²That is not to say that God's infinite love cannot come to us through another. The more others are plugged in to God's infinite love the more they (and we) can love others with this love. In fact God's love is expressed most effectively through those who are united to and in harmony with him and us. We are not called the body of Christ without reason. We are his hands, his feet, his mouth, his eyes, and ears to convey God's love to each other.  

The significance of tangible love being conveyed by another human is so important that he himself took on physical form in and through Christ to reveal his love to us.

³Physical (material) things are valuable to the extent they can be used to gain the admiration and attention of others i.e. They are the means of obtaining a sense of value from someone more valuable than the things i.e. from others who might admire us because of those things. 

Things are also valuable if they bring us personal comfort, pleasure, etc. This too is an attempt at self-loving i.e. it's still about gaining for ourselves a sense of love, meaning, etc independent of God, the Creator of those things. 

⁴As our society becomes more damaged and less trusting of fellow humans because of betrayed trust, we seek increased companionship with pets. Why? We can control them better and ensure they give us something of what we want and desperately need. Love.

When our dog or other pet is excited to see us, it brings us joy, but what if a highly significant person we admired was just as excited to see us? Would that be more impacting? Image a well-respected influential person or celeb of some sort dancing around like a puppy, excited to see you and loving all over you when you came into the house. It would be so significant we might find it embarrassing. 

⁵Because God is most significant and valuable and we are like Him most, next to a relationship with God Himself, a relationship with another God-like being (us) is the most significant relation we can have.

⁶We are afraid to let love in, in fear it will be taken away. This is evidence of the underlying pain of being disconnected from the Source we were originally designed for. A disconnection that was the result of our rebellious distrust of God. 

⁷We can experience some limited degree of unconditional love through others but only if they are plugged into and receiving God's unconditional love themselves. None of us can love with the unlimited sacrificial love of God unless we are receiving that love from Him ourselves. But this is limited simply because humanity is limited-finite, even if they are most plugged into the Infinite. They are simply a conduit for the Source - i.e. the infinitely loving God - through whom He shows His love. 

All types of relationships, be that with a parent, spouse, siblings, friends etc., are the same in that they gave us a sense of value and significance. The difference in relationships is the manner in which they offer this i.e. the form or kind of love they offer whether that be friendship, companionship, emotional support, partnership, physical love, camaraderie, etc. We can derive a sense of value through all forms of love. Only the form is different. The end result we gain is the same - to feel important, significant, valued... in a word loved.