loving and valuing...the same?

In considering the definition of love, I found the word value helpful. But I have also found myself wondering how ¹value is similar and different from love. 

Is there a difference? If so, what is it? Let's dive in.

Objective vs personal value

Something can be objectively valuable without us personally valuing it or our even being aware of its value.

To say it another way, something can be infinitely valuable (objectively) without being valuable to us personally (subjectively).

God would be a classic example. He is infinitely valuable (without Him nothing would be) though He is ²not personally valued by most - at least not to the extent of His true value. 

For something to have actual value means there is something objectively and innately valuable - important or significant - about a person or thing first, regardless of whether we personally value them (it) or not. 

How are subjective value and love connected?

To personally value something is to also have affection for it i.e. to feel love for something. Loving affection involves emotional delight in that thing or person we value. Loving affection is an indication we have personal regard ³for the value of someone or something. It is both subjective, as well as objective. 

Valuing something for more than it's worth

On the other hand, to value someone or thing does not necessarily make them or it valuable objectively, only subjectively. This involves personal affection toward what is considered valuable - by the beholder - when it may not be valuable objectively, i.e. it is not actually or objectively as valuable as we think or feel. 

For example, we can meet someone charming that we feel could be important to us, who turns out to be nothing like they presented themselves to be. The reality of who they are doesn't match the appeal of who we thought they were or they presented themselves (itself) to be.  

Valuing things vs persons

A classic example of a thing (vs a person) not being as valuable as we thought would be a product that doesn't equal or live up to the promise or "sales pitch" e.g. a job, a certain level of wealth, a potential partner, a particular car, a bigger house, even something simple like a purse or a pair of shoes etc. As we learn more about these things, the actual value doesn't match the hope - or hype if you prefer.

It is pretty common for all of us to place a higher value on someone or something more than it's actually worth. 

Overvaluing is not the same as something having no value at all

Overvaluing something doesn't mean there is no value. Certain things may give you some happiness initially, but not to the extent you hoped, thought, or were told. They may be good things, but not the best thing and not to the extent we thought.

One reason this difference is significant is we may have a greater affection or love for something beyond what it deserves. We can love something to the point of worshiping it (and often do) when in reality it will never deliver long-term what we want, need, or believe it will. 

Not fully experiencing somethings true value

We can also appreciate the beauty and value of something objectively without ever personally participating in its full value e.g. we can see and smell an exquisite meal -- which is participation on a limited level.  And observe others eating and enjoying it, but we will not fully experience or benefit from it until we eat it ourselves. It is no less valuable because we don't eat it, it is just not fully valuable to us experiencially or personally. 

We can observe the beauty or strength of another, yet never personally experience these qualities through direct participation. A fiancé can admire the physical beauty of his soon-to-be bride (or the strength and protection of her soon to be husband) but not fully partake of and experience that beauty (or strength) until they are married.

Value is ⁴foundational and a fundamental part of loving. It must exist first. But having loving affection for someone is personal in nature, whereas someone or something having value is an objective fact. 

Valuing from afar vs the nearness of love 

Valuing has more to do with our recognition of something's value from afar. Love/affection has more to do with intimacy (closeness) and personal enjoyment of that which is valuable.

Also, when we value something, it is usually more utilitarian or functional than affectionate.  

The most valuable of all

God is the Creator and Sustainer of all things thereby making Him the most significant and valuable being in the universe. Without Him nothing exists, including you and I. 

Yet many do not recognize this or have any affections toward Him i.e. God is valuable (objectively) even when He is not ⁵personally (subjectively) valued.  

A skewed view of God

Some even despise God for various reasons despite His infinite worth. Usually this is because He didn't come through for them in the way they thought he should. For these people, even though God is objectively valuable, he is not personally (subjectively) attractive.  

The problem however isn't with God but our view that He is some kind of celestial butler who should cater to our every whim. But this would not be God at all. God is all knowing, loving and able to do what He knows is best, not what we may think is best. 

By definition God is controlled by no one but Himself. He is guided by His perfect understanding not our limited understanding. He is the reason He does what He does in the way He does it. Because only He is all wise, loving, and powerful. We are not - though we often think and act as if we are. We are often pretty foolish (fooled) at times.

God values us?

God not only values us as His image bearers but enjoys our interaction with him. He is delighted when we are delighted in Him. He is happy when we are happy in Him. He finds pleasure in our experiencing pleasure in and from our relationship, fellowship, and communion with Him. In short He not only values us, He loves us. Or if you wish you could say He not only loves us but values us. 

God values all his image-bearers by virtue of them being like Him, but he does not have a personal relationship with or affection for all of them. Those he has personal affection for he pursues and draws to himself. 

If this article tugs at your heart in any way, He is pursuing you. If it doesn't, pray He has mercy on you and stirs your heart to seek Him. No one comes to Christ unless the Father draws them. Jn 6:44

For a discussion on why God delights in our delight click here.

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¹by value I simply mean something of importance, e.g. When we say someone has strong values, we mean certain things are very important to them, such as family. When we say someone has strong family values, we mean they place high importance on their family over other persons or things. 

²The only reason God is not  personally valued, i.e. loved by most is because they do not recognize and acknowledge all they are and have is from Him. By definition this is part of what makes Him God i.e.  He is the Creator and Sustainer of all things.

And this is usually because of all the pain and suffering they experience and see others experience. They assume if God existed he would address all the pain and suffering (which He has, only not on their terms but on His - which are the best terms). But this is because they don't understand the cause and purpose behind pain. For a further discussion on this click here.

³something cannot be truly loved or worth loving until it is first valuable (objectively) and then valued (subjectively).

⁴The opposite is true for the same reason. Someone who has personal regard for us also has affection for us. 

This, however, doesn't mean someone has to have affection for us to treat us in a loving manner. They can treat us well simply because they recognize our value, i.e. that we are worth being treated well by virtue of being in God's image - i.e. like God. And because God has called us to treat others as we wish to be treated and we desire to honor his wishes. 

⁵How many people regularly show God gratitude for all they are and have? How often do you do this yourself?