Both love and discipline essential

We bristle at discipline when there is no love.

But

We do not operate at our maximum potential when there is no discipline.

Both are essential if we are to be all God desires and designed us to be (not to mention our bringing God greatest glory and experiencing our greatest joy).

But love must come first. We were created for love. Without it we do not function as we were designed to no more than a car without gas or a sailboat without a sail, wind or water. 

Without love we do not trust...without trust we do not submit to the directions and discipline of the one who loves and seeks to direct us - mainly God but also special loved ones God has brought into our lives.

The more we realize how greatly God loves us, the easier it is to accept and embrace discipline - whether that comes in the form of obedience to a specific command from God, self denial, or enduring well any painful or hard circumstances we may encounter.

Love and discipline are two sides of the same coin of faithfully living for God's highest honor and our greatest joy.

A closer look at love.

How do we know God loves us? What proof do we have? Especially when we go though difficult times! Christ! 

God revealed his love to and for us in and through Christ by him taking on our pain so we might eventually and permanently be freed from it.

If we have no other evidence of God's love, this alone is more than sufficient. We only need to accurately and fully grasp it to appreciate the vastness of His love poured out on us in and through Christ. If we do not see who Christ is and what He did as sufficient we must ask God to help us see more fully and clearly Christ and all that He did to restore us back to the Father.

For a closer look at Christ and what He did check the following:

The incarnation - God became one of us.

Using evil for good

God binds himself to time

The humility of God

For additional posts on discipline see the following...

Diligent vs undiciplined

What is excellence?  

Eager anticipation (hope) is good

There is nothing wrong with eagerly anticipating and hoping for a successful outcome on the ¹good (Godly) things we seek and desire. 

Hope is actually a significant element of the gospel and a key part of what moves us to pray.

But we must also remember that God knows what is best. He alone sees the end from the beginning.  Whenever we pray we must always remember it is "...not my will but yours be done" that we should be seeking. We must recognize His will ultimately is always best no matter how it may appear the opposite. We may never see what that best is until we are in eternity with Christ. But we can know that conforming us to the image of Christ is always God's ultimate goal. Why? So we might experience - both now but especially in eternity - the Father's infinite love for us in the same way Christ experiences it.

He also knows how our hearts are inclined towards obtaining the blessings of life and not the Blesser. He knows whether giving us the desires of our heart will draw us away from Him or closer to Him... we don't, we only think we know. 

He knows our heart far better than we do. We must trust He is always working for both our greatest good and His highest glory in light of His infinite wisdom and a full understanding of our heart. We must always remember He is our greatest good and greatest joy, not a particular outcome of our chosing.

We get off the path when our hopes deteriorate into ²demands. God owes us nothing - though He loves to give us all things - and we can demand nothing from Him. Who has ever given to God, that God must repay them? Everything we are and have is a gift - i.e. by grace alone.

When we desire God above everything else, our desires align with His and his desires become ours. When they do, he gives us what we desire. But He alone knows when our hearts are truly and fully submitted to him. 

The bottom line? God desires we trust him even as Christ trusted Him regardless of what He does or does not give.

For a further discussion on hope click here.

For a further discussion on prayer click here.

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¹Such as a good and godly marriage or godly children; our business to be productive; to have a significant impact for God through our work, in our Christian community or other social interactions. These are all good and godly hopes but even these can get out of balance and "go south" i.e.  They can shift from being a secondary desire to our primary one.

Such as when Elijah challenged the prophets of Baal and won. God moved in a powerful way through Elijah and "showed up" the prophets of Baal. No doubt Elijah hoped this would result in Israel and it's King and Queen turning back to God (a very good hope). But they did not turn back. Because things did not go as Elijah hoped he went into hiding and a deep depression. The queen (Jezebel) had not only refused to turn to God but swore to take his life for defeating Baal her god.

²This is also where Job went off the rails. Overtime his desire for something good and valid (an explanation from God for his suffering) deteriorated into a demand. He eventually repented and recognized all he had was from God to begin with and that God owed him nothing, not even an explanation.

Brokenness...part 2

What is the nature of our brokenness?

It is the ¹absence of what (who) we were created to partake of and "run on" - so to speak. 

We could say this is more a state of spiritual bankruptcy than being broken - a condition that results in us being unable to love as we were designed to. This in turn results in our hurting (damaging) people and things around us.

You could compare us to a highly efficient and powerful car without gas that doesn't run when others look to it for a ride or an exquisitely decorated Christmas tree to help others enjoy and celebrate the birth of Christ, but it's in a dark room unplugged. 

Without a connection to the Source of all we are and have, we simply do not function at the level we are created to.

But the effect of His ¹absence is far more than just practical or functional (though it is clearly that). It is spiritual (heart), intellectual (mind), emotional (soul), physical (strength), and every other possible way. Without God, we simply are not operating anywhere near our maximum capacity on all levels.

And because we are like God - the greatest, wisest, most powerful, yet humblest, kindest, most giving, and loving being in the universe - and meant to be in union with Him, His ¹absence impacts us far beyond anything we can comprehend. God's absence and the consequences are so significant it keeps us from even seeing His greatest, much less experiencing it. 

And not just us individually, but collectively as well. As God's image bearers, we are all designed to be loved by God 1st and love Him in return. This in turn results in our loving our neighbor. 

But instead of being filled with love for one another, we seek to get (take) love from one another, which results in regular conflict with other empty image-bearers. As ⁴one author described it, we all are like tics looking for a dog... with one huge problem - we are all tics. The only dog (figuratively speaking) is someone other than us creatures i.e. the Creator. Plus we can't even clearly see who that dog is unless He opens our eyes i.e. He reveals Himself.

It is a wonder we can not function fully at any level given the ¹immenseness of our Creator and the infinite void created by His absence.

Despite our enormous loss, we are still incredible (we are still like God) and can do incredible things but only a tiny fraction of what we were designed to do... (unless we are plugged in again).

Our ability to still function at any level at all without God speaks to the significance and power of our being ²like God and the beauty and wonder of all the gifts God has given us ³inside and out.

Though we are absent His love and felt presence, we never lost the capacity to experience, partake of, and reflect Him - especially when we are plugged in again. 

But instead of letting this void from His absence drive us back to Him, we use our gifts and our capacity for God (the void left by his absence) and try to fill that absence with created things (Rom 1:21-23) - including ⁵other God like beings (us). Things that were never meant to fill us. They only give us a taste of what is missing, but never replace Him or fill the void left by His absence.

The solution? It is summed up in the greatest and second greatest commandments.

“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he (Jesus) said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. 

And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 

On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” - Matt 22:36‭-‬40 ESV

Christ also said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments..." - John 14:15‭-ESV

But how do we love him and others?

We love because he first loved us. - 1 John 4:19 ESV

“If you love me, you will keep my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever," - John 14:‬15-16 ESV

"...you will receive power when (and not one second before) the Holy Spirit has come upon you...” - Acts 1:8a ESV

For a discussion on the Holy Spirit, who "He" is, what He does and how he does it, see the following.

The life, love and Spirit of God (a concise discussion).

The empowering of the Spirit (an extended discussion)

Power within or without?

For an additional discussion on brokenness click here.

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¹something designed to hold an infinite object (person) will experience an equally infinite void if absent that object. 

Just imagine how effective, happy and powerful (glorious) we will one day be when we are fully united - face to face - with the Source of life, love and all things one day! 

²We are still like a highly efficient and powerful car or a wonderfully decorated Christmas tree without God. We simply lack having what we need to reach our maximum potential. 

And what (or who we) lack is enormous beyond our comprehension. 

We experience some of God now but will perfectly when we are fully glorified.

God give us the grace to see and trust in your greatness.

³Inside - any and all gifts, skills and talents we genetically come into the world with, be it musical, artistic, athletic, intellectual or any other innate ability.

Outside - all of creation with all its wonder and beauty...tastes, smells, sounds...the earth, air, water. Sun, moon and stars and all the resources within these.

Also the collective experience and knowledge of humanity on how to develope and utilize our innate talents or the planets resources is also an external blessing. These are all available to us as God's image bearers that we all mutually benefits from even if and when we don't acknowledge them as being gifts from God.

⁴Dr. Larry Crabb (one of my favorite authors) in his book The Marriage Builder.

⁵

Healing trauma

There is a great deal of focus among ⁷some on trauma and past wounds. They either focus on their family of origin or some past personal traumatic event - or both. As a result many are on a never-ending quest to uncover forgotten or hidden wounds in the hope - falsely I would suggest - that this will somehow unlock them from their prison of internal pain, restlessness, loneliness, and meaninglessness. 

If the sought-after relief is not found by uncovering conventional wounds, some even explore ¹generational trauma passed down through their ancestors they have no immediate connection to.

While these exercises may have ⁵significant value they miss the more fundamental and deeper issue. All such wounds are ²secondary and can only take root in our hearts because of a far more significant ³primary trauma or wound we ⁴all have. 

To work through and be freed of secondary wounds we shouldn't focus exclusively on them but must first address the highly critical and life-altering primary wound we ⁴all have in common.

Because of this primary wound we all are emotionally fragile at best, resulting in even the ⁵slightest offense - i.e. secondary wounds - throwing us into "trauma" and seemingly scarring us irreparably.

Instead of focusing on our secondary wounds we should focus on the perfect healing offered to us for our primary wound.

Why?

Until we experience healing of our primary wound we will never be truly freed from any secondary wounds. 

As our primary wound heals - via an increasing grasp of the good news (the gospel) - the more we are freed to fully acknowledge our secondary wounds and be released from them. And the more resilient and impervious we become to all new wounds. 

Simply stated, the more whole we become the less these secondary wounds impact or control us.

So what exactly is this primary wound? 

It is the severing of our connection with and alienation from our Creator, the Source of love, life, and all things. 

However, this wound is different. It is due to our turning away from God in distrust (unbelief) i.e. this wound is self-inflicted i.e. one we choose. We are not the victim of this wound but the cause - perpetrators... every one of us, no exceptions. If there is a "victim," it is God Himself (objectively speaking. God doesn't need us, we need him. Nor can He be diminished by us and our choices).

Unlike secondary wounds that are only experienced by some - such as sexual, emotional, or physical abuse - our primary wound is experienced by each and every one of us from the outset of the human race, beginning at the rebellion of our original parents (our original ancestors if you prefer) in the garden of Eden and continued by us in refusing to trust all God has done (and does) for us, to free us of our primary wound, in and through Christ.

The significance of this trauma is far greater than most of us know, much less understand. It results in us cutting ourselves off from God, the very Source of life and love. 

How can this not be traumatic? It is so traumatic it has plunged the entire human race and all creation itself into ⁶all the pain, suffering, and death we daily hear, see, or experience to this day. It is the underlying reason behind all pain and suffering in the world as well as our individual secondary wounds. 

This primary wound is so significant that secondary wounds will shape and cripple us less as our primary wound has begun and continues to heal.

This primary wound is ⁴common to everyone of us, unlike secondary wounds which may be similar but also unique to each of us. 

Why does this matter and how is it different from secondary wounds? We all are in the "same boat" regarding this primary trauma and can therefore appreciate a common healing for all who receive and experience it. 

The state of humanity in all its ⁷loneliness, pain, and destructiveness in itself is evidence enough that humanity at large is disconnected and deeply wounded and in pain i.e. traumatized. Among other things, this results in all other trauma (secondary wounds) taking root and crippling us if not properly addressed.

This does not minimize secondary wounds but helps us to better understand them and not see ourselves as victims or feel as isolated from the rest of humanity who may not have gone through the same secondary trauma we have.

What is the solution to our primary wound? Christ!  Seeing and trusting in all Christ did (all the pain he took upon Himself caused by our turning away from God) to restore us back to his Father and our Creator. He did this so we might ultimately be fully healed of our primary wound and free of all pain in eternity. 

It's not just what God says but what he did.

The saying goes "actions speak louder than words." God says He loves us, but He did far more than just say it, he proved it in and through the actions and sacrifice of Christ to restore us. 

Because of Christ, not only is the healing of our primary internal wound offered (i.e. restoration to God from our alienation with the very Source of life and love) but we are promised God's perfect ongoing providential love and care is also ours regardless of our past or present circumstances (all otherwise potentially traumatic events), as well as the eventual and total delivery from the very presence of all pain and suffering when we are fully restored through our resurrection into complete union with the Source of life, love, and all things.

Nothing will ever separate us from God's love again once we receive the spiritual and emotional healing offered to us in Christ. This love is perfectly ours right now if we receive it - and the fundamental truth we all must internalize if we are to be freed from past wounds - both primary and secondary. The more we see, grasp, and internalize (believe) this reality, the freer we become of all secondary wounds.

For a discussion on being an offender as well as offended click here.

For a discussion on how God loves the offender and offended click here.

For a discussion on being a victim vs "playing the victim" click here.

For a discussion on why our kids rebel click here.

For a discussion on how we have God's love perfectly but not yet fully click here. 

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Footnotes:

¹You even see this within some church circles - mostly within the more charismatic and fundamentalist circles. 

They cite Deut 5:9 as a support text. But in the context, this has more to do with the outward consequences of placing a higher value on something other than God. Our kids will mirror our values (how we live our life vs what we say it should be lived) through several generations. 

This passage isn't specifically addressing internal trauma but destructive external behavior that our kids pick up through our example (often unbeknownst to us). 

²What is the effect or results of our primary wound? There is a subtle but constant undercurrent in our life of feeling inadequate,  insignificant, unimportant, abandoned, rejected or the like. We believe we no longer matter to the Creator. In short we no longer feel or believe our Creator cares and loves us but is only angry and disappointed in us. If we were raised in a loving and stable family this is less obvious but still exist nevertheless.  If we are raised in a home that emphasized external conformity to certain kind of behavior our sense of failure and insignificance might be exaggerated.

Yet He who is the very Source and Cause of life, love and all things, sent His Son to restore us back Himself when we were in full blown rebellion to Him. This clearly indicates otherwise i.e. that we are not insignificant but just the opposite. 

Our sense of abandonment is not because God abandoned us but the other way around i.e. we abandon Him. 

³What is the effect or results of our secondary wounds? Any event brought about by hurtful interaction with creation - be that at the hand of other image bearers of God or with nature (creation) in general - which causes us to feel insignificant, unimportant, abandoned, rejected… i.e. we don't matter. In short we no longer feel or believe we are loved because of actions by those secondary sources of love who wound us.

⁴Knowing this is a common problem and struggle helps keep us from having a "pity party" (the essence of a victim mindset) and developing a martys complex (e.g. we might say to ourselves or others "You just don't understand! No one has experienced the pain I have..." But they have. In fact everyone has to some degree but most importantly, especially Christ Himself. No one has or ever suffered as a true victim as Christ did...and that for our sake).

It also helps create unity among God's children as we work together and encourage each other in addressing this common problem - as well as the solution - of alienation from God and restoration through Christ. This is in fact the primary unifying force within the church universal - which can be greater than our cultural differences if we receive it - and an essential element of the good news of God's offer of full restoration i.e. the "gospel."

⁵Slight only compared to our primary wound of separation from our Creator. A separation from the very source of life, love, and all things. Secondary wounds are very real and some are devastating but still minor in comparison to separation from God and what Christ endured for us.

 ⁶We and the rest of creation have been deeply harmed and crippled and are only a fraction of our original design. It took the eternal Son of God taking on Human form and stepping into this world of pain and suffered - which was the result of our turning away from our Creator - and letting it kill him, to free us one day.

⁷This seems more common among those who are under 45. But even those among us who experience the best circumstances and most stable upbringing experience these things. Something major is still missing - we all long for more because we were created for far more...i.e. the full acceptance, embrace, and union with the very Source of life, love and all things in our state of distrust... Only possible because of Christ's efforts on our behalf.

⁸No doubt the fracturing of the family unit and increase in broken homes since the early 60s has contributed to this trend.