Driven by shame

Those who try to shame others into behaving the way they desire (i.e. to control them with shame) are themselves usually influenced or driven by shame (i.e. guilt feelings). We do who we are.

Why do most of us operate out of shame? The further away from God's ¹design we operate the greater our guilt (real guilt vs guilt feelings). The greater our guilt feelings - i.e. sense of shame - the more it drives us and becomes our modus operandi -- the way we operate i.e. our actions are driven by guilt and shame instead of love as we were designed to.

Instead of seeking God to help us change the behavior the results in our shame we often seek to get others to approve our behavior in an attempt to find relief. We may not like the consequences of conduct that violates our design but we like having no restrictions on our choices even less.

Because we are designed to ²give and receive love but are not properly able to do so -- unless "plugged in" to the Source of love -- we never operate as we were designed but are always operating with guilt and shame -- though we typically are not fully conscious of it unless some event triggers and surfaces it.

The more we operate out of shame the lower our sense of value/worth i.e. The more worthless we feel. This process often leads to depression and can ultimately lead to suicide.

This is why we are constantly trying to do things to make us feel better about ourselves; to feel more important/ significant. We are in a constant state of pain and shame and always looking to relieve it.

As a result, we try to avoid things that make us feel worthless and cause shame -- like admitting we failed to accomplish a desired goal or are wrong when we mistreat others.

The only way to break free from this cycle of bondage og guilt and shame is the grace of God -- the good news/gospel -- found in Jesus Christ alone.

For a further discussion of why we avoid the cause of guilt and shame click here.

For a further discussion of the cause and removal of guilt and shame click here.

For a discussion on the futility of engaging in guilt and shame click here and here.

For a discussion on our being designed for greatness/glory click here and here. 

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¹we are like God, designed for love. God is love, giving and receiving it back again. We need love (God); to receive it (Him) and reflect it out to others and back to Him. When we operate in this way - as we are designed to - we are most complete.

² "Positively" by outdoing/ out performing others. 

Negatively by criticizing others in order to feel better about ourselves.

As God rebellious image bearers, we run on empty (due to our rebellion) because we are disconnected from Source of love. As a result we attempt to get and take love instead of give and receive it as we were designed. At some level we know this. For a further discussion on this point click here. 

I am putting "positively" in quotes because even though outdoing/ out performing others is generally considered constructive behavior it is still behavior in an attempt to bolster our own sense of worth outside of God. This kind of behavior my be positive in the eyes of others but is contrary to who God designed us to be.