It's about consequences, not shame.

When you blow it, how do you feel? How about when you blow it again and again in the same area? 

Do you grit your teeth, buckle down, and say, "I am not going to do that again" and then do it, anyway? 

So what's the solution? How can you find the strength to not mess up again?

Motivation to obey Christ has ¹everything to do with consequences and nothing to do with feelings of guilt or shame. God doesn't chide, shame, or reject us when we do wrong. We should never seek to obey God out of shame or fear of rejection ... but it is certainly wise to do so out of fear of correction. This is the essence of fearing/respecting God.

A truly loving parent will always correct their child when they do things harmful to others or themselves. And it will hurt, but that is not rejection. In fact, it's just the opposite. Those who God loves, he corrects. It is precisely because God wants what's best for us that he corrects us.  

A truly loving parent never stops loving us, no matter how stupid we act. Do they like it - or do you, if you are a parent - when we (or our kids) make poor choices? No. 

Are parents greatly grieved by these harmful choices? Definitely. Angry? Possibly. But not at us but for our sake and the sake of others. If God is mad, it is only because we are doing things that are destructive to ourselves and ²others. He is not mad at us but angry over the harm it causes ourselves and others. If we are his child, God is for us, not against us.

Not just destructive to us...

Disobedience is also dishonoring to God. To treat God with disrespect or low regard says to others God must not be worth loving or is that great. He's not important enough to pay attention to. This is a very harmful message or way to approach life. This is a problem, not for God, but for those who think God is not worth pursuing due to our not pursuing God as we are designed to. 

When we don't pursue God as we should - and He deserves - others will ask: 

If God is loving, how can those who call him Father be so unloving, e.g. how can such a loving parent (God) have such a spoiled brat (us) for a kid?

If He is great, how can those who call Him Father pursue things other than God and find greater meaning, joy, and life in them instead of Him?  

If God is the greatest, wisest, most powerful, and loving being of all, why aren't his children pursuing him more? 

We must ask ourselves if we are perfectly loved by God, why are we so unloving. Why doesn't his love create in us a love and compassion for others similar to the love and compassion he shows us? 

This occurs only because we don't truly know the nature of his love and how great it is. To say it another way, we may have heard of his love and know about it, but we haven't yet fully "bought-in" to it i.e. we don't really believe He loves us that much. 

Love, as well as consequences, should move us

What about our love, gratitude, or faith? Don't they have something to do with why we do or don't obey God?  

Of course, those who complain about a believer's lack of love use this as an excuse and justification for their own indifference to God. But in reality, they refuse to see the problem is with all of us, not God; with our unbelief and refusal to enter into and participate in God's love, wisdom, and power extended to us in Christ, not because God's love isn't fully extended to us as his adopted children i.e. the problem (our being unloving) lies within us and not within God.

Faith is always a part of obedience (obedience is the fruit of faith). As we mature and experience God's love, wisdom, and power, we begin to discover from first-hand experience he is good, all the time, and worthy of our complete trust and faithfulness. In the hard times and blessed times, he is always good, loving, wise, and patient. This creates gratitude on our part and a response of love to his love, wisdom, and goodness toward us. These experiences of His love always create growing confidence (trust/faith) in the goodness of his directions and His ways of handling our lack of trust in him.

For a further discussion on the uselessness of feeling guilt and shame click here.

For a further discussion on why God hates evil click here. 

For a further discussion on the "anatomy of motivation" to obedience click here. 

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¹I don't mean "everything" in the sense it is the only thing that motivates us to pursue God. Love, trust and a desire to honor (glorify) God are key motivators as well. These fall on the positive side of what moves us to pursue God. For more on this click here.

I am referring to the negative side. When it comes to the reason we are not to sin, it should be to avoid the pain of consequences, not the shame of failure or fear of rejection.  

²We often assume he's against us when he is for others, but he's for *both us and them; just like he is for both himself and us. Our happiness is intertwined with the happiness of others. God first, then others.

We are inter-relational beings because God is an inter-relational being as Father, Son, and Spirit. For more on this point, click here.