Are Calvinists and Arminians both wrong?

I would suggest Calvinists and Arminians make the same mistake and are both equally wrong in a vital area.

The tension between the total sovereignty of God and man's full responsibility and accountability is a debate that has gone on since the beginning of the church and still continues. I would propose that in large part it is simply because the scripture teaches both. God is totally sovereign in every sense of the word and man is fully accountable in every sense of the word. We should not water down one to accommodate the other simply so we can make it work for us logically. Scripture certainly appears not to.

And herein lies the rub. We, finite mortals, do not like tension, paradox or seeming contradictions. It is not comfortable. Instead of believing what God says, and trusting what we cannot fully grasp, we would rather “figure it out.” So both sides try to make everything fit into nice, neat, logical boxes to the point they dismiss the other side of the discussion. As a result, both sides fall into the same error. They both tend to depend on logic more than scripture.

There are plenty of verses or passages given by both sides to support their “conclusions.” However, if we stop to consider it, can the finite (us) fully grasp the infinite (God)? Rom 11:33-34; Isa 55:7-9

The problem with taking a hard line ¹logically on the sovereignty/accountability debate is it will cause us to totally miss the significance of our accountability and responsibility to make choices i.e. we will downplay that ability by overstressing God's sovereignty and miss the valuable and highly significant truth that lies in accountability and our God-given freedom to not choose God.

On the other hand, if we stress our ability, responsibility, and our total accountability for our choices, to the point we can't logically reconcile it with God's sovereignty, we will miss out on the comfort and joy we were meant to derive from the greatness of God's power, wisdom, control and his "electing" love that caused him to pick us as his child.

We can not and must not dismiss one side of these seemingly opposing and contradictory realities to the point of minimizing or even eliminating the other, simply because we have challenges making them work logically. Neither can we try to force one side over the other out of a need to be in control of (i.e. understand) how God operates. 

Using logic to give us a false sense of control is the opposite of faith or trust in God. In doing so, we will miss out on the vital significance each side reveals about God and about ourselves.  As the scriptures say, let God be true even if every man is a liar. God's ways are are not our ways and our ways are not His.

I propose God is God and answers to no man i.e. what we cannot fully put together logically we must trust. Moreover, I believe this is exactly the point and importance of this seeming contradiction or any other paradox in scripture -- to trust God is good when and where our understanding (logic) comes up short. 

There is no contradiction or conflict within God. It is only an apparent contradiction due to our finite understanding. God is infinite in understanding and in every other way. We are not. 

God says without faith it’s impossible to please Him. God is after our trust in Him. How does He do that? Often by asking us to trust what we do not understand. It happens all the time. He often asks, “do you trust me, when it looks like I am not trustworthy and things happen that make no sense at the time? Do you still believe I am good, I love you and am working for good - your good - when things look terrible and appear the opposite?"

The ability to reason is a gift of God but like all good gifts, it is limited because we are limited - finite. Reason can take us only so far. We should not discard reason, but we must recognize reason is limited simply because we are. All gifts, including the ability to reason, can be used to either honor God or as an attempt to control our world and try to put God in a box (a very logical one at that). Where logic comes up short, faith must begin. And when it comes to our infinite God, our finite reasoning - logic - often comes up short. 

God is good, He is wise, He’s running the show and working all things for His glory because He says He is, and we are fully responsible to believe Him or not, logic aside. 

Do we trust God and believe His word and trust there is no real contradiction (as opposed to an apparent one) or do we fall into the arrogant error that is a leftover of the “age of reason” by setting our ability to understand all things above the necessity to trust God? To depend exclusively on logic can become a form of control and the opposite of faith.

Gen_50:15 When Joseph's brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, "It may be that Joseph will hate us and pay us back for all the EVIL that we did to him."

Gen_50:17 'Say to Joseph, "Please forgive the transgression of your brothers and their sin, because they DID EVIL to you."' And now, please forgive the transgression of the servants of the God of your father." Joseph wept when they spoke to him.

Gen_50:20 As for you, you meant EVIL against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.

Does God use evil for good? Yes. He is sovereign over all things.

Were Joseph’s brothers fully responsible for their actions? Yes

Act_2:23 this Jesus, delivered up according to the definite plan and foreknowledge of God, you crucified and killed by the hands of lawless men.

Did God plan the death of His Son? Yes. (see also Acts 4:27-28 and 1Pe 1:19-20) 

Did He use the hands of lawless man to carry out His plan? Yes. 

Will those men be held accountable for their actions? Yes, 100%.

So where does this leave us? The only legitimate response to the truth that God is all powerful, all wise and all loving in the face of  seeming contradictions is as follows:

Rom 11:33 Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! 34 “For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?" 35 “Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?" 36 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.

The following links address the tension and different aspects of God's sovereignty and man's responsibility.

• Our "wanter" is broken, not our "chooser"click here
• Why freedom of choice is important, click here
• Do we have a "free" will or are we heavily influenced? click here
• Is God free? click here. 
• The value of paradox and truths in tension click here
• How big is God? click here
• Does God use evil for good? click here
• The greater the evil the greater the potential healing click here
• For a discussion on the knowledge of good vs evil click here
• For a discussion on the question of fairness click here
• The necessity of mercy click here
• Is the election and wrath of God unreasonable? click here
• The practical importance of God's electing grace click here

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¹as opposed to simply trusting it's true and not trying to force it to make sense where it doesn't work logically with accountability.