Why do we struggle to believe that we are both broken and fully loved at the same time?
We fear if someone knew ²all our faults they would reject us and no longer love us. Why? Because admitting to or being seen with all our flaws usually results in rejection.
We so greatly long to be fully and deeply loved, we fear ³losing it if we ever find it. We believe it's better to never be loved than to powerfully experience love and lose it.
We can't and won't fix something if we don't think it's broken. And we can't admit our brokenness until we know we will not be rejected for it. Once we feel safe to admit our brokenness, we can be more honest with ourselves (and others) about our shortcomings.
When we are loved in ⁴this way we desire to bring joy and honor to the only One who loves us this way. We delight in doing all we can to honor them. When this is for God, He in turn feels honored to be in a relationship with us.
¹We are not broken in the sense that we no longer have natural abilities, talents, or resources but in how we use these, i.e. do we use them to self-comfort instead of bringing comfort to others as we were *designed to?
Self-comforting is so common it is considered normal, not broken. We not only embrace it but applaud others who do this as well. "Loving ourselves" has become a cultural mantra in the West when it is actually the primary evidence and expression of brokenness.
The more we know we are loved - regardless of our flaws - the more we can admit ("own") them - not only to the one who loves us but to ourselves as well.
Why does love free us? We are no longer concerned that admitting our brokenness will result in rejection. We know we are loved regardless of how broken we are.
Love is the fuel of growth and change. Why?
Admitting our faults to ourselves and others is vital to our maturing.
Admitting our faults to ourselves and others is vital to our maturing.
We can't and won't fix something if we don't think it's broken. And we can't admit our brokenness until we know we will not be rejected for it. Once we feel safe to admit our brokenness, we can be more honest with ourselves (and others) about our shortcomings.
We can admit our faults only to the extent we know we are loved despite them.
For a discussion on loving yourself click here and here.
For a discussion on what it means to be broken click here.
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¹We are not broken in the sense that we no longer have natural abilities, talents, or resources but in how we use these, i.e. do we use them to self-comfort instead of bringing comfort to others as we were *designed to?
Self-comforting is so common it is considered normal, not broken. We not only embrace it but applaud others who do this as well. "Loving ourselves" has become a cultural mantra in the West when it is actually the primary evidence and expression of brokenness.
Our need to love ourselves is only because we have rejected God, the very source of love. How? Whenever we look to or go to something other than God for love, we are telling God we can do better at finding and experiencing love on our own than we can from Him, when in fact only God is the source of love, life, and all things.
*We are in God's image, designed to be like God, which is to be other-focused - i.e. to give, not take. The more we give, the more we are like God, and the more we partake of and experience Him, i.e. experience love flowing to and through us to others.
We justify getting or taking because we think it will make us happy, more complete, and whole. Short-term it may, but the ultimate solution to our need for love is not taking it but receiving it from the Source, which enables us to pass it on to others.
We justify getting or taking because we think it will make us happy, more complete, and whole. Short-term it may, but the ultimate solution to our need for love is not taking it but receiving it from the Source, which enables us to pass it on to others.
God is primarily what we need, but we refuse to receive what he offers, i.e. His infinite affections offered to us in and through His Son Jesus.
We reach the highest level of our design - God's likeness - when we give. But not to get but simply for the joy of seeing others receive life through us. And we can only give as God does when we are receiving love from the One who is the ultimate source of love, God himself.
²This is what makes our family of origin so unique and significant. No one sees our flaws and strengths as much or as well as family. If we come from a loving family, this is where we feel safest... Or "more at home" to use a common expression. If we come from an unloving family, this is why for some thoughts of family are most painful. And also why we may fear letting others see us the way we truly are.
We reach the highest level of our design - God's likeness - when we give. But not to get but simply for the joy of seeing others receive life through us. And we can only give as God does when we are receiving love from the One who is the ultimate source of love, God himself.
²This is what makes our family of origin so unique and significant. No one sees our flaws and strengths as much or as well as family. If we come from a loving family, this is where we feel safest... Or "more at home" to use a common expression. If we come from an unloving family, this is why for some thoughts of family are most painful. And also why we may fear letting others see us the way we truly are.
³This approach believes you can't lose what you never had to begin with.
There is a saying that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
There is a saying that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
But what if you never love again? All you have is the painful memory of not having something (love) you still need and long for. Is this not the essence of hell itself? I'm not suggesting we avoid love for fear of never experiencing it again. I am saying no human can love us in the way we are designed for, i.e. perfectly and continuously loved, without interruption. Only God is perfect, perpetual, and endless love.
⁴God alone consistently loves us in this way. He alone is perfect and infinite love.
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Grace to you
Jim Deal